Momnesia

A summary of easily overlooked Masters happenings

AUGUSTA, GA. - Women’s Restroom, Augusta National, 1:50 p.m.

The woman sitting outside the ladies room with an employee badge says her job is simple. She is there to prevent drunken men from accidentally entering.

Every now and then, however, one gets through. The Standard Operating Procedure? Let them finished their business quietly and make sure they leave without embarrassment. They've paid too much money for a public shaming.

A secondary responsibility of the ladies room attendants is politely persuading women not to wash their shoes in the sink because it clogs them. "Women understandably want to look their best," said the attendant. "But it clogs up the pipes."

Corner of Eisenhower and Washington, 2:43 p.m.

Security was on full alert at the Ancient and Accepted Scottish Rite of Freemasonry Tuesday.

You'd think the Masons would be too busy running the world to sell parking spaces at the Masters. But the sign on the front of the lodge says, "Hospitality Center."

It turned out to be quite an inhospitable place.

"Who are you?" asked an elderly man pulling security on a golf cart. He seemed a little on edge. He begrudgingly gave his name as "Joe."

Two attractive young women in their twenties left by the back door, from which a tall stack of what looked like ritual artifacts was visible.

When he saw my media badge, he became even more menacing. "Don't go anywhere near the building," he growled. "In fact, if you don't leave now, I'll have you removed."

Arby’s on Washington Road, 3:32 p.m.

A manger at the Arby's on National Road tells Metro Spirit she got an eyeful Monday when she noticed two elderly men stripping down to full nudity in the parking lot to change their clothes.

"The worst part, they were kind of men who made you lose your appetite," said the manager. Could be bad for the fast-food company's business.

She described them as both having gray hair and one with a pot belly. Most stripping during Masters week gets underway a little later. The Arby's incident occurred at about 10 a.m.

She added that Arby's is usually empty during Masters despite the crowded sidewalks outside. People would rather wait in line for hours at the French Market Grille.

Madison on the Green Apartment Complex, 4:24 p.m.

Like an illegal Iraqi checkpoint, four people were collecting tolls yesterday to cross the Madison on the Green property off Washington Road. Crossing the property allows drivers from National Hills to bypass Washington Road and get to Alexander Drive.

"You can go down this way to Alexander Drive for five bucks, or you can turn around for free and go back to Washington Road where the traffic is much worse," said the attendant. Three men with money aprons stood guarding the vaunted shortcut.

To bad she was dealing with a Metro Spirit reporter, Murfee Faulk, in his hot-rod Hyundai.

The motor revved, tires squealed and gravel flew. Hot-rod Hyundai sounded like a pig being slaughtered during an airplane during take-off.

The wide-eyed money changers scattered like cockroaches, cursing and trying to get the license plate number.