Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I'm back
Sorry for the absence! Craziness abounds at work, including two computer crashes - by the same computer, which is only two months old, thanks so much for buying a PC, Joe! - and two issues produced back to back. We're a weekly, not a daily, so putting...
Monday, May 21, 2007
Overheard on E-mail
From a friend-of-a-friend:I don't know a single soul that hasn't enjoyed a good "Meemaw" yarn from time to time. Whether she will curl up with a big African or ponder the mystery of convex glass and why the fish gets bigger when it gets to the other...
File Under: Makes No Sense
Our washer broke. It's only three years old, but although everything on it still works, the basket is all lopsided for some reason. Gasket? Bracket? Something is off. So when calling around, repair techs who haven't even seen the damn thing gave us...
Friday, May 18, 2007
Let's do the "Time Warp" only once, and then for Pete's sake just let it go, mmmkay, people?
Theater fan: What would you say about a person who saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show only once and didn't feel any need to see it again?Tim Curry: I'd say that was a person who was in full possession of their senses.What? You don't want to look at this...
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Yo Quiero Taco Bell
"Does anyone here speak Spanish?" my boss called."Me!" I raised my hand.Don't be impressed. It is not so much that I speak Spanish as I am a glutton for punishment. Because when there is a task to be done, and a volunteer to be requested, my arm is...
Repost: Have a cuppa
Scott hates rap. He sees no redeeming value in it. Well, except Outkast. But I’m always trying to point out that there is a redeeming quality to rap, if you understand the socio-cultural and historical placement. He insists it isn’t music.Anyway, I...
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Wild and Crazy Guy
"There's a Vacation Bible School with the theme: Avalanche Ranch, where we go on a wild ride through God's word."C.P. snickers."And it's the Lutheran Church," I continue. "I don't think it's going to be that wild.""Oh, it's totally wild," he counters....
Stalkerazi
AUGUSTA, GA. - Scott eavesdropping on the board for the Imperial Theatre. Oh, okay. This one I took mysel...
Wise words from daddy
"I was in the delivery room, I saw what happened. Anything she wants gets done. She's like, 'Change the diaper,' and I'm like, 'Absolutely, sorry about your vagina.' " -- ADAM SANDLERAh! It's like "Aliens...
Self-Explanatory
George Michael's doppleganger: Metro Spirit publisher Joe White, who lives here in Augusta, Ga. This town is famous for so many other entertainers that it's hard to understand how a talent agency from 1985 hasn't created a time machine just to come...
Monday, May 14, 2007
Overheard in the Office
"B.H. asked me if I'd seen the 'downtown' story and I said, 'Yeah, sure, what was it about?' and she said, 'Downtown....
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Repost: Dinner Party-squared
I was excited to have dinner with two professors’ families this weekend, because I tend to think of professors’ families like they're all Oscar Wilde - witty, urbane, glittering with intelligence.This is not true. Some are just nerds with no personalities....
Repost: Hey, Jealousy...
My husband has always been fearless. While it hasn’t always served him well, I regret that I will never have stories that begin with “So, when I was 8, my grandfather decided it was time I learned how to drive,” and “Yeah, I think it was the ‘Kiss My...
Friday, May 11, 2007
Hometown Who?
Attention Residents of Conyers: You are freaking me out. I don't know who is visiting my blog from C-Town, but I'm sure it's someone I went to high school with. So, hello and thank you. But I have some news for you, which I'm sure you will find quite...
Catapault
A.C. is being a smarty-pants."I'm going to chuck my tampons at you," I threaten, brandishing a box from my file drawer."At least they're not used tampons," she responds.But later..."You're in trouble, Miss Editor Pants," she crows."Hey, I got a whole...
The Muffin Man...
"Stacey just said she liked her muffin better than everyone in this building," A.C. complained to A.W."She said that about the cucumber-wasabi dressing," A.W. replied, unconcerned and unimpressed with me, as usual."A.W. remembers everything I say. It's...
Do You Know the Muffin Man?
A.C. has given me a low-fat mixed berry muffin. I am kind of scared, but it is like a little piece of yum in my mouth. So I put in a bigger piece."This muffin is awesome," I say, spraying crumbs everywhere."I know.""I like this muffin better than anyone...
Hi! Stupid me!
I have just returned to my desk from the bathroom when E.B. asks a question."Whadja do? Whadja do? Whadja do?" she inquires, rapid fire."Uhh... I went to the bathroom and took a crap," I reply, perturbed that she would ask."I meant on your day off....
Personal Skills Tools
I am cursing into the phone at the automated telephone system of a certain band I can't stand anyway. And A.C. is horrified."Uh-oh, Bad Stacey is back.""Ahhh! I know! I'm in the worst mood! I could strangle a puppy right now...
Our Copy Editor is a Badass
"I played the clarinet. That was before I decided I was too cool for band and went and worked in the library...
I'd Like to Thank the Academy...
Someone nominated me for Best Humor Blog, Best Entertainment Blog, best Parenting Blog, and Best Blog of All Time! Thanks, whoever! Although I think if they had a category called Random Thoughts From the Head of a Prozac Fiend it might be more appropriate.Alas,...
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Killer
I'm discussing the plot of an upcoming play with the director and the actor playing the main character. It's a disturbing play, and I have no intention of seeing it, yet it's definitely powerful theater. The main character has few redeeming qualities,...
Hells Yeah!
This movie is going to be awesome. I cannot believe someone got funding for this! Weresheep. That's what Willis was talkin' abou...
What?
Out of context comments from artist Paul Pearman:"My momma was like, 'As long as you're not a homosexual.""There was this French guy...""He makes a real good Boudin Blanc. Let him in.""You are not going to believe this, but I got these people coming...
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I Knew It!
"Braaaaaiiiiiins! Must. Have. Brains!"It comes as no surprise to me that the zombie infestation began in Hollywood. They've been warning us about the possibility for decade...
Letter of Truth: Part "Sorry!"
It has been pointed out to me that I have a friend known as Snarkalufagus. He appears whenever people are not looking, strikes, and then sinks back into the night. It's odd. I never see him, but A.C. chides, "Bad Stacey is back!" And then I look at...
Cover Story
We're discussing what to do for the cover image of an upcoming cover story on tribute bands. Everyone thinks that KISS is the band with the most impersonators, but it's actually the Beatles. Which is almost sacreligious, since they're neither comic...
Monday, May 07, 2007
Saga of the Purse
The exterior of 401 Walton Way, Augusta, Ga.I just wanted my purse back. It didn't seem like that much to ask. After someone smashed in my back passenger window (the side with Emerson's car seat. Awesome!) and stole it, they had my license, social security...
Bug: The Movie
So the title of this upcoming movie may not scare everybody. But it scares the crap out of me. I hate bugs. But despite its rather unassuming name, this film is not a cheap horror flick in the vein of "Saw" or "Species."But this bug movie is scary in...
Putting on my serious face
Ten leading candidates for the Republican nomination for president in 2008 held their first debate of the race, at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in California. When asked if they would call for repeal of the landmark Roe v. Wade decision legalizing...
Accident Report
Every time Emerson comes in close contact with some dangerous object at her day care, like, say, marshmallows, they have to write me an accident/incident report and, of course, I freak out. Really, I think they have some desire to watch a parent have...
Ad Exec
I'm not looking to get rich off this blog, but I am looking to make enough money over the course of six months to pay to take two underprivileged children to Disney World in October. They are sweet boys. To do that, I registered with Google AdSense,...
God Hates Freaks Who Try to Control The World With Hatred Cloaked as Religious Fervor
I've been told that God hates fags. And, apparently, in much the same way as Santa Clause, he's making a list and checking it twice. Particularly if you play the devil's rock music. According to LoveGodsWay.org, which has a video called "God Hates Fags,"...
Cookie Watch '07
It is Day Five of Cookie Watch '07, and the dough has not moved yet. It seems that Sharon is conducting a cruel experiment on her coworkers. This was the scene on Saturday:And the line inside:These tortured souls, drawn by the scent of all that cookie...
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Funnier Than a Lampshade
During what was probably the best First Friday Augusta has ever had - congrats and thanks to the Greater Augusta Arts Council and poop on the Downtown Development Authority - Emerson and I had a great time just walking around the street festival listening...
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Call of Nature
A local media personality picked her daughter up from a sleepover recently, and got some disturbing news. Apparently, after they thought the children had gone to bed, the chaperoning set of parents had enjoyed some time in their hot tub."They were doing...
Can't Fight This Feeling
Anyone who knows me understands what a bargain hunter I am. I know every thrift shop west of Atlanta, and - except for lunch, for which I never seem to plan - spend as little of my own money on things as I can. I'm a member of every points club that...
Friday, May 04, 2007
Frightening Fridge Friday
Everyone who works in an office knows the horrors of the refrigerator. This is no match for it.It will take an arm wielding a hammer to get rid of the fridge funk.Usually, someone on staff takes it upon themselves to clean out the fridge. It usually...
What is he doing?
Can you see Scott's sunglasses? They have red flames running down the sides. Next he'll be sticking one of those "3" stickers on our car, wearing "wife beaters," and saying things like "Hoooo-DADDY!" and "Aahhhhhh-yep...
