Momnesia

Off the Record

AUGUSTA, GA. - So I was talking to some folks about an upcoming holiday story for the Metro Spirit. I shall reveal neither the holiday nor their names, but they had some GREAT stories...

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"[Name redacted] was trying to cut through the parade lines before it started, and, I mean, he's my cousin. He's not a small guy, and I organize the parade. Anyway, he was trying to cut through the [high school name redacted] band to get across the staging grounds and they stopped him. They told him, 'Nobody breaks up the band line.' He was like, uh, okay... and just did an end run."

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They were getting a parade started one year, when one of the parade lines started marching out of order.
"Stop the parade!" came over his radio.
"What's wrong?" he walkie-talkied back.
"Row D went before Row C!" a voice came back, in a panic. The row are set up with little blurbs for the local broadcasters, so they'll have something colorful to say about each group as they pass the cameras. Out of order meant that their info sheets were all wrong.
The event planner was unfazed.
"Look, calm down. Ten of us know how this parade is supposed to go. Eight of you don't matter. The only people who matter are Bill Botham, Cher Best and Minnesota Fatz - and I'm sitting right beside them. I'll let 'em know."

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"We flew out to Utah to see a Georgia Tech/BYU game. Tech lost. We were pissed. Anyway, after the game, we decide to go see the [Morman] Tabernacle while we're there," he tells me. He's with a friend and his friend's father. As they approach the temple, they see a number of very attractive young Morman women who are acting as greeters. He's eyeing one of them when his friend's dad (we'll call him Moe) leans in to her.
"You believe in Jesus Christ?" he barks at her.
"Well, yes, sir, we do. It's right in the name: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints."
"Hmm..." Moe considers this, then eyes her again. "How're we different?" he demands.
She explains that Mormans believe that the second coming happened already, that Jesus returned to earth in upstate New York in the 1840s.
Moe looks at her, incredulous: "You mean to tell me that Jesus Christ came to Syracuse?!"