Momnesia

Inside the Mind of a Child

Augusta, Ga. - Emmie is commenting on a recent photo and using some distasteful language in describing it. No woman likes to be described as big and fat.

"Look, Emmie, we've talked about this before. I understand what you mean, but you can't say those words to people. You'll hurt someone's feelings."

She considers what I've said.

"Is bid a rude word?"

"Depends. If you say it to a mountain, no. If you say it to a teacher, yes. Car, no. Doctor, yes."

"An' if I say it to a mailman, iss rude. If I say it to a lamp, das not rude. Juss people!" she says. She catches on quickly. "But mom? If I say it to a people das not a person but is kind of weird, is it rude?"

Hell, I don't know. What kind of question is that?

"Um, well... Do you mean someone who is acting weird, or someone who makes you feel bad?"

"No, like a alien."

"Well," I laugh. "I wouldn't chance it. They might bam you with their rayguns!"

"Yeah!" Emmie agrees. "So if I say it to a alien, dass rude."

"Yeah, I'd go with that, to be on the safe side."

"Or bacon. Dey don't like dat."

"Bacon?"

"Yeah. You can't call dem dat."

"Okay. Don't call an alien 'bacon.'"

"No. 'Cause dey will smash you."


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