Momnesia

The Ties That Bind and Choke the Living Hell Out of You So That No One Can Hear You Screaming

My aunt Cathy e-mailed me for the first time in years. I haven't seen her since I was 15 years old. That side of the family... meh... not so fun. Anyway, Cathy is my mother's sister, and I have tried to respect that. But she's been snidely insulting since the day I was born. Granted, the e-mail she sent was mild, but I just couldn't abide it. Their smug self-importance and backwater ways have irritated me for far too long.

From: Aunt Cathy
To: the Niece Who Always Disappointed Us

PLEASE REMOVE ME AND YOUR AUNT CINDY FROM YOUR E-MAIL LIST.

From: Stacey
To: Aunt Cathy

I will be happy to remove you from the list. I accidentally merged the family and work lists together. Hello to you, too, by the way.

Love,
Stacey

From: Aunt Cathy
To: The Daughter of the Daughter Who Married That Papist From Texas of All Places

Stacey:
There is no need for sarcasm. I do not want my e-mail address broadcast on some mass mailing list. It never fails that after one of those messages arrives, I being to get smutty and unwanted trash e-mails. I am simply asking you to refrain from distributing my private e-mail address all over the internet.

I would be happy to speak to your parents about it.
Aunt Cathy

From: Enraged
To: No Relation of Mine
CC: Both Parents

Aunt Cathy -

That wasn't sarcasm. That was lighthearted ribbing. But feel free to speak to my parents about it. I'm 33 years old, not 12. Your e-mail has been removed, and I won't be using it again.

Not that I have ever had any reason to.

Stacey McGowen-Hudson

PS - Sorry, mom and dad.

From: Queen Negatron of the Planet Negator
To: Petulent Child
CC: the Parents Who Were Clearly Unable to Raise Her Right

This is an outrageous and uncalled for response to a simple request. [...] Plus, I don't care how old you are, it's never too late to learn to be more thoughtful and considerate.

Sis, please handle this.

From: Are You Freaking Kidding Me?
To: Has Never Moved Out of Her Mother's House
CC: My Beloved Parents

My mother has no need to handle anything where I am concerned. It was only an accident that my personal and work lists merged during a software upgrade. But I only hear from you when there is a complaint, so there's your lesson in thoughtful and considerate.

Let's not communicate any longer. I haven't seen you in more than a decade, and we don't really have anything in common other than my mother, who doesn't deserve this kind of stress. So don't take my behavior out on her. I make my own choices and I stand by them.

Best Regards and Goodbye,
Stacey

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She'll be happy to speak to my parents about it? Go right ahead. Maybe they'll take away my television privileges and I won't be able to go to the Homecoming dance. How will I ever get a date to the prom?!

I set the server to reject all of her e-mails. But they still keep getting through.

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OOOh, Fascinating Update!

Neither side of my family is known for letting things go. So I really didn't think that was the end...

From: The Wicked Bitch
To: the Parents Who Have Stood Behind Me Through This
No CC to me

Disrespectful and Incredible! Believe me I WILL NOT communicate with Stacey ever again. She has taken a simple request, and a reasonable one, and made it into a personal insult. I am absolutely astonished!

Bee-yotch

From: My Awesome Mom
To: Her Cold-Hearted Sister
CC: Me

[...] Stacey is a very warm, loving, talented person, is a great mother, and is never disrespectful. You sounded angry, she took it seriously. She removed you from the list, tried to be humorous about it; and it didn't work. [...] If this gets through, I will be surprised. You use to have me blocked out. I haven't even tried in a long time. I hope this is the end of this. [...] I know what happened. I have seen all of the e-mails. I don't think we need to be consulted. Stacey is an adult and can handle herself just fine.

Sis

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Wow! Yay, Mom!

I think it's hilarious that she finds my behavior "outrageous," "incredible" and "astonishing." She must lead an extremely boring life. I am rarely more than "sleepy," "dopey" and "grumpy."