Momnesia

Even Dogs Get Sick

Our firstborn, Scrabble, started acting funny the other day. He was not his usual self, moped around, and cried if you touched his belly. Of course, our reaction was: do we take him to the emergency clinic and spend a $1,000 we do not have?

By Tuesday he seemed worse, so I called the vet.

Vet: Hello, blah blah blah Animal Clinic, how can I help you?
Me: I think my dog is dying.
Vet: Okay, calm down. What are your dog's symptoms?
Me: Well, he is shaking, he won't eat, he is lethargic.
Vet: He's shaking and he's lethargic?
Me: Yeah, I mean he's a Rat Terrier, so he always shakes, but I guess he's shaking more than usual.
Vet: Is that all?
Me: He won't eat.
Vet: And?
Me: He doesn't want to go outside.
Vet: And?
Me: Well, he just doesn't look right.
Vet: How does he look?
Me: He looks like he's dying!
Vet: Okay, let me ask you a few questions.
Me: Alright.
Vet: Is he vomiting?
Me: No.
Vet: Diarrhea?
Me: No.
Vet: Unstable on his feet?
Me: No.
Vet: Sensitive to light?
Me: No.
Vet: Sensitive to sound?
Me: No.
Vet: Bleeding?
Me: No.
Vet: What is he doing right now?
Me: Watching TV.
Vet: You let your dog watch TV?
Me: Yeah, well...it's the animal show on PBS, he loves it.
Vet: Okay.
Me: I also leave talk radio on when I'm gone, so that balances out the TV, right?
Vet: Uh, huh...I guess so.
Me: So is he dying?
Vet: Probably not.
Me: But he could have Encephalitis!
Vet: He doesn't have Encephalitis.
Me: Are you sure?
Vet: Quite sure. Horses and people get Encephalitis, not usually dogs.
Me: But it could happen.
Vet: It would be very rare.
Me: So, then he may have it!
Vet: He doesn't have the symptoms. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: Yes, what should I do?
Vet: About what?
Me: My dog!
Vet: Watch him for a couple of days; if his condition worsens then bring him in for a checkup.
Me: That's all?
Vet: That's all, have a nice...
Me: But he could have rabies!
Vet: Has he been left outside unattended?
Me: No.
Vet: Then he doesn't have rabies.
Me: Are you sure?
Vet: Quite sure.
Me: So I should just watch him?
Vet: Yes, he probably has a tummy ache. Just remember, even little doggies get sick from time to time.
Me: They do?
Vet: Yes, they do.

Thank God, the damned mutt made a full recovery and is back eating my socks, barking at the mailman, and begging to go out every five minutes.