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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

99 cents of love out of a dollar

AUGUSTA, GA. - My husband would buy lunch meat from, like, the 99-Cent Store. He doesn't worry about the brand, the expiration date or even the concept of a food product before he buys it. He considers only two things:

1. What food section am I in?
2. How much does it cost?


This is the reason that he will frequently leave for the store with a list of items and come home with only half of the items I requested. The items in the other half fall into three categories:

1. Stuff that vaguely resembles the missing items but were cheaper
2. Stuff that does not resemble the missing items but were closer to the section he was in when he checked his list the final time

3. Stuff that wasn't on the list, but which was on sale.

Thus, he brought home a brand I had never heard of:

Their website says that they sell "meats cured in the tradition of Old Virginia. Since 1870 Gwaltney hams, franks, lunchmeats, sausage and bacon have delivered the Finest in taste from Virginia. Today, Gwaltney Great Dogs and Great Bolony are America's favorite poultry franks."

But all I know is a company that spells their lunch meat "bolony" can't possibly read the FDA guidelines on how to manufacture it.

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