Wednesday, February 28, 2007
You Might Be a Redneck...
"Oh, good lord. There goes my trailer park accent again," I moan to A.C."That was kind of..." she says. "Say refrigerator!" (a word I had trouble enunciating while taping a commercial yesterday)"Fredgerayterr," I laugh. "No, friedgermater. That's where...
Tongue-in-Cheek
"That babaganoush is to die for," E.B. says to me. "But now I have garlic breath.""Yeah, me, too. But it's so good that I might just eat my own tongue...
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Cutlines
A.W.: "Oh, Black Snake Moan is coming."Me: "Probably not to Augusta."A.W.: "Well, it's the same guy who did 'Hustle & Flow.'"Me: "Yeah, but it's hard in Augusta for a pimp...
Brain Eggs
Driving to the radio station to cut a commercial, discussing the upcoming issue of one of the magazines...A.C.: "I can't wait for J.W. to see that story and watch his head explode."Me: "Right. Maybe we should warn him in advance to avoid all the brainy...
I'm a Rock Star
We were cutting a commercial at a local station for the upcoming issue of Metro Augusta Parent Magazine, and in walked Jared from the Subway commercials. He was like, "Stacey Hudson? Is that really you?!" I was all, "Yeah, dude, I know. Don't get excited."...
Monday, February 26, 2007
I Hate People
We have to move and change our telephone number to an unlisted one because people keep calling us with stupid freaky messages. What is wrong with you morons? I write about pretty pictures and music, with some dancing and theater thrown in for good measure....
Saturday, February 24, 2007
New Baby Essentials
After two years, we have pretty much figured out what equipment we needed, and what marketing professionals sold us, when we had our baby. This is the list of Stuff We Could Not Live Without.1. Feeding equipment - Buy the Dr. Brown bottles and drying...
Achtung, Music and Book Lovers!
We are moving, and thus downsizing, because we are tired of clutter. Clutter is bad for the brain. It clogs up my synpases and halts their effective conduction of neurotransmitters. Put simply, clutter makes me grumpy and stupid. And it stresses me...
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Department of Redundancy Department
This e-mail came in to our news reporter. I think it's kind of dangerous to be tossing the word URL around like that. I bet it's one of the acronyms that the National Security Agency looks for in terrorist dragnets.Thank you for your note. After some...
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Break-in II: Electric Boogaloo
So the police recovered my purse with my wallet and my ID (which is how they found me) and Social Security Card. But I can't have it. They called merely to taunt me. The officer who found it turned it in to police property, and I can't have it unless...
I'll Tell You What I Want (what I really, really want)
Augusta, GA - I cannot find my Converses this morning, but I don't want to wear sensible loafers yet again today. Perusing my sad little shoe collection - why do I even own anything in brown? I never wear them - which consists of two pairs of loafers...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
James Brown's Last Interview
Augusta, Ga., has long enjoyed the generosity of the late James Brown: turkeys at Thanksgiving, and toys at Christmas. But perhaps the people who need it will miss him most this holiday season, as the future of his estate will likely not be settled...
The Fast Samurai
"My husband came home from Target last weekend with one of those Velcro wallets," A.C. said."Oh, no," I moan. That is a bad sign."I was like, 'Are you 17?'" she said."That's just... unless you're storing Ninja stars in it and have to get at them real...
Another Stupid Band Name
"There's a band named Rat Babies?" A.C. asked."Whhhaat?!" I said."I'm surprised Alice didn't mention it to you.""Hmm. I'll have to get on her...
Mongo Smash
I was working in the Metro Spirit offices from about 5:30 to 10:30 p.m. on Sunday. I can't say exactly when the vandalism occurred, but some genius smashed in my back passenger window, damaged the bottom of both doors on the driver's side, rifled through...
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Buzz on Biz
Top 5 Reasons to Join the BzzAgent Network:Discover new products and services firstProve that your voice and opinions matterAlways have something to talk aboutGet free stuffFind pirate treasure — or influence companies and brands — either way And, hey,...
A Pretty Good Year
The 2007 book releases from Penguin feature a thriller about an author who believes he's being stalked by a character in his latest book, a sci-fi novel about a hard-bitten wizard detective and a nonfiction read about the economic crisis facing young...
Foetus Gets Back Together
Playing soon at Sector 7G is another of my favorite lame band names: Massacre of the Umbilical Cor...
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Mad Cool - and a little 1984ish
Reveal the hidden world behind your browser! This site, me.dium.com, has a Firefox application that lets you see what your friends/ family/ co-workers are doing online. But not in a creepy stalker way. They have to sign up for the service, too, before...
Saturday, February 17, 2007
On a lighter note...
My favorite spam message line of the day, from Marquis Cameron, bless his heart (and you Southern ladies know what I mean by that), is: didactic biathlon. That would have made high school more interestin...
Please Help This Little Boy
This little boy, Ezekial, just 2-years-old, was abducted by his drug-using noncustodial father on Jan. 31. He is the relative of some friends of mine. Police believe that the father, William Brown, who was a golf pro at Jones Creek Country Club, is...
Friday, February 16, 2007
New Blogger
My husband, Scott, wants to join me on my blog. This is both good and bad - good because it means more content for readers. Bad because he tends to be a lot more serious than I am. He'll write about local politics, theater, and culture. Hopefully he'll...
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Happy Valentine's Day!
I totally and completely forgot about V-Day. I sent my husband an e-card that was pretty great, but still... e-cards are lame. Mr. Perfect came home with flowers."Hey, those are gerbers! Just like we had at our wedding!" I exclaimed, delighted by the...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Momnesia: I almost forgot what life was like.
Before I went all insane and decided to throw caution to the wind and have a baby, I wore clothes that fit and that matched. They were usually clean. I took a shower every day and I did girly things to my face. I read magazines - I love Smithsonian...
Ah, motherhood...
You never know how much you love someone until they throw up on your face. Here is Emmie on her second birthday. I hope she stops vomiting before her thir...
Bacon to the Rescue!
I am kind of wanting to chop open my face right now so that I can wear a slab of meat on it.And then blame it on my husband, of course. Happy Valentine's Da...
One of my co-workers needs a spanking
He's a funny man, but I will take my toddler over to his apartment and let her vomit all over his sheets. She is so cute that he will not mind. But I will have my reveng...
Grammyphonehttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
It just me, or does John Mayer bear a striking resemblance to Edward Scissorhand...
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Ni how, Beautiful!
I don't have the slightest idea what this person is talking about, but it's one gorgeously designed sit...
Friday, February 09, 2007
Zombie Wars: A New Hope
An overheard post just for me:Emeril's Secret Slave WorkforceMom: What was it we needed to do again?Daughter: Get pepper for the zombies.Mom: Oh, yes, right.How does pepper deter a zombie attack? I don't know! Someone tell me how to add it to my arsenol!General...
It's not "Healthy." It's "Healthful."
It's Friday and that means my trash can is full. See all of the styrofoam food boxes? That's because I'm an environmentalist. And a health nut. Because there's a Diet Coke on top. And that pretty much sums up my nutritio...
Freezy Friday
It's cold in the office. Alice is wearing my mittens and we're all wearing sweaters. I wish I had on an extra pair of socks. Scientists say that one of the reasons that people are so fat these days is because of air conditioning. If that's true, we...
Pink Cadillac (well, actually, it was a Ford Escort)
This is one of my favorite stories to tell, because it is so absurd, and yet, 100 percent true.When I was 24-year-old, I was driving from Milledgeville, Ga., to Athens, Ga. It was 7:45 a.m., and I was hoping desperately that I would not be late, as...
Batting 100 today.
Yes, sports fans, I meant 100, not 1000. It's been a nutty day already.First, this morning, as I was rushing through my shower, I knocked myself over. I didn't slip and fall. I was washing my face frantically, because I had to get the baby into school...
Telephunk
"Hey, A., what's the number for Sector 7G?" I asked our copy editor."I don't think they even have one," she replied. "They're too punk for that.""Well, I realize how bourgeois that is, and all, but how do you call them?""I just use their myspace page,"...
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Stealing Material
Sorry about the unoriginality. But this made me laugh: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. ...
What a Great Response!
I love writing about art. Every story I write has the potential to help a starving artist to eat a little better. At least, that's what I tell myself; but I rarely see evidence of that. Until today. This story I wrote featured Broadstrokes Gallery's...
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The Geek Guessing Game
Match the staff member to their juvenile delinquency.Which staffer:1. Used to skip school and go to “museums and the state capital?"2. Used to skip school to sneak into school at a nearby university and listen to lectures?3. Used to skip school and...
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Buggin'
Everyone who has ever met me knows what an irrational and immature fear I have of insects, and spiders, and anything with an exoskeleton... and also slugs. I recognize that they don't have exoskeletons, but I still include them in the "bug" category....
Monday, February 05, 2007
Bravo!
"Can I change 'Bravo Network' to 'Food Network?'" A. asks."Why? Wasn't 'Top Chef' on Bravo?" I ask, concerned that I might have gotten something wrong."No, I think it was on 'Food Network,'" she replied."I swear it was 'Bravo,'" I insist, because I...
Pansy-Ass Cracker
"Does anybody know where C. went?" T. asks"Yeah," I reply. "He ran out screaming and saying he couldn't take it anymore. And crying. There was a lot of crying."(general laughter)"That C. always crying," A. said. "Pansy-ass C...
House of Tarot Cards
The horoscope people just won't let up. Another one came into the office today and said that she doesn't read the (free!) paper since we took out the horoscopes. I didn't realize it was such a dealbreaker for some people. Still, the readership survey...
Oddballs
I'm getting more of the Elixer of Life (Diet Coke, breakfast of champions) from the fridge at work when J. comes in."We need a new coffee maker now, don't we? Now that we have a big-boy refrigerator," I comment as J. pours himself a cup."Yeah, it's...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Po-po WOW
A RCSD was telling stories from work yesterday:"I got a call to respond to a domestic dispute once. After so many years, you know, you get used to saying, 'Oh, I'm responding to a domestic,' and just cruising along. When I got there, I found a woman...
Friday, February 02, 2007
She's only 17...
Sing that headline to the tune of Winger's horrible hit (oh, yeah, Kelli, I said it. Cry over your boyfriend to someone else).This chick cracks me up. And she's only 17. But she'll show you snarkiness like you've never seen... Anyhoodle... methinks...
