Tuesday, July 28, 2009
How to Tell Your Kids About Stranger Danger
AUGUSTA, GA. - Our crazy-ass neighbors gave Emmie a Blow-Pop today. Even though I had specifically told her to stay away from them, that was all it took to regain her good graces. Great. A week ago, they were machete-wielding weirdos. Today: The frickin'...
Is My Mouth Open Because I'm Such an Amazing Singer?
AUGUSTA, GA - This is the picture Emerson drew of me. Notice a few key elements. First, that I have no arms. Second, that I look like an M&M. And third, that my piehole is wiiiiide open. Probably not an accident.Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Kids try, like new foods if exposed to them, experts say
This is Emmie eating calimari for the first time at Malibu Jack's off Furys Ferry Road. Irritatingly, she refused to reference it properly."I like dis booger cheese," she said."Honey, it's calimari," I corrected, gently."Iss booger cheese," she laughed."No...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What My Preschooler Thinks About...
Augusta, Ga.
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Incidents Show Husbands Big Softies, Experts Say
AUGUSTA, GA - This showed up on our front porch yesterday. It was skittish, but sweet. I let it into the house for a minute so Emmie could pet it. She was beyond thrilled, but Scott set his jaw and bitched the whole time."Honey, it's just for a minute,"...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Machete Man Murders Small Tree! News at 11!
AUGUSTA, GA. - Yes, it IS 2:30 in the morning. And I AM posting. That's because the police just left our house. At 1:45, our idiot neighbor, Michael Avery, decided to start hollering my husband's name repeatedly: "Eey, SCOTT! SCOTT!! SCOTT!"
That's...
Friday, July 17, 2009
New Fashion Trend is on the Rise... Like My Bile
This came in my e-mail. First of all, there's nothing stylish about that. Second, I don't wear clothes with the word "sweat" in the name. And, finally, this involves some kind of sewing. I don't do sewing. I can replace a button, but I will never forgive...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
In Augusta, They Don't Ask if There Are Crazy People in Your Family - They Just Ask Which Political Party They Belong to
I finally understand something about former editor Tom Grant that eluded me for the past five years. You know all these crazy people he had writing for us? I won't name names, but let's just say that they're socially challenged. So, anyway, this week,...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Makes Sense to Me, Too
We've had Emmie so far off her schedule, and in so many different places this summer, that bedtime has become quite a battle."Emmie, time for bed.""No," she'll reply, mildly, with a sidelong glance at me.(Sigh) "Okay, you're going to lose a story, sweetie.""I...
Sunday, July 12, 2009
After a Layoff, Co-Workers' Reactions Can be Unpredictable
AUGUSTA, GA - So, there's a former co-worker I've let get under my skin recently. She wasn't a pleasant person to work with, but she had a variety of medical conditions to deal with and it was not easy on anyone to see her lose her health insurance.Over...
Saturday, July 11, 2009
For the Last Time: Barak Obama is a U.S. Citizen - So Shut Up Already, Conspiracy Theorists and Sore Losers!
AUGUSTA, GA. - I'm so sick and tired of national and local mouthpieces questioning the status of Barak Obama's citizenship. While I'm not all that happy about his performance so far, choosing this issue upon which to make your stand just shows your...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Apartment Living Can Have Unusual Hazards
AUGUSTA, GA - When our upstairs neighbors moved in two years ago, they seemed like nice people. Two students working their way through school, blah blah blah...But let's just say they were an active couple.One night, we were sound asleep when the sound...
Hilton Head Trip
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We're a mile from the beach, at a Westin resort with a 3 bedroom condo, bike trails, an amazing pool and splash park, and more. But we spent an hour chucking cereal off the third-floor balcony to each other and trying to catch it in our mouths.Emmie's...
Why Keyless Entry Systems are the Best New Car Option
The car on the right side (with binder + Diet Coke on top): MineThe car on the left front: Not mine. Good thing my key didn't fit then, huh?Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Make Money and Get Free Stuff - Seriously!
AUGUSTA, GA. - So, you wanna get free stuff? Try products for market research companies? Perhaps earn some extra money? Then ignore all those scammers who send you "Take surveys and make $400 a day!" e-mails. They're lying to you, or they're involved...
Monday, July 06, 2009
Children Have no Friendship Boundaries - Don't Teach Them Otherwise!
In a crawling race across the grass they're evenly matched. But Emily Bland will need a little practice before taking on her new friend at tree-climbing.The little girl, two, met one-year-old orangutan Rishi at an animal center while visiting...
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Children May be Born Empathetic - But Teaching it is Still Important
We've inadvertently pawned Emmie off on relatives for half the summer, it seems. I worry that her memories of this year will be a blur of new faces and random bodies of water.
But today she showed me one reason that so many of our relatives volunteer...
Saturday, July 04, 2009
High Intelligence in Children Sometimes Still Means They Can Be "Slow," According to Research
Emerson's jellyfish sting looks terrible. But when I was poking her in her wound to irritate her + she said, "Psh! Dat don' hurt, mama."
When I asked her about her favorite part of the day, she said, "Da jellyfish."
Why? It stung you, I said.
"Wull,...
Beaches of Hilton Head Island Invaded on July Fourth by Swarms of Jellyfish - or, one that simply targeted my family
Emmie was the first to get stung. Then Scott, and finally me. I'm such a dork, I was like, "Cool! I've never been stung by a jellyfish before!"When Emmie got stung, I freaked out, because I didn't know why she was screaming. She just freaked out and...
How to Get Rid of Any Headache
An entire island of distraction on July 4, and this is how we spend our morningShoot. Video exceeds maximum attachment size. I'll put it up when we return...Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Why Story Telling is an Important Part of Culture
Emmie wants to watch TV, but we're visiting with our family. I tell her if she'll tell each person in the room a story, then she can watch TV until we go to the pool (in about 10 minutes). She grins, and does it. But I wonder about the significance...
Friday, July 03, 2009
The Danger of Fireworks is Multiplied by Ignorance
We're on our way to Hilton Head Island for the Fourth of July. Emmie is excited about fireworks."An' are we goin' play wif spark-a-kers?""Yes," Scott and I answer in unison."An' is it goin' be magic?" Emmie asks."Yes," Scott says."No," I scoff. "It's...
Adolf Hitler Had Secret Relationship With Michael Jackson
Scott is watching some crap on YouTube that sounds like Donald Duck being strangled."Whatcha watching?" I ask."It's Hitler." And so it is - ranting and stark raving mad."What's he doing?" I ask."He just found out that Michael Jackson died."..."... Does...
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Children Care About the Professions of Their Parents
"You a silly, mama. Why you so silly?""That's just the way I am, doodle. Never been cool. Probably never will be.""I like silly. I like you berry mush. But, sometimes, I wish you was a dahtor.""You wish I was a daughter?" "NO! I wish you was a DOH-tor.""A...
