Momnesia

After a Layoff, Co-Workers' Reactions Can be Unpredictable

AUGUSTA, GA - So, there's a former co-worker I've let get under my skin recently. She wasn't a pleasant person to work with, but she had a variety of medical conditions to deal with and it was not easy on anyone to see her lose her health insurance.

Over the last couple of days, she's said a few things to me that I've been turning over in my mind. Accusations about my character, my integrity, my skill, my value as a friend to others.

And it's hard to know how to separate the truth from her desire to cause pain and what seems to be her complete inability be truthful.

I know who I am. I know that I'm a hard worker. I expect good in people. I am always surprised to find when someone is lying or manipulating people. I write well. I try to be better than I am. I like to help and educate people. I like to learn new things. I like a challenge, a harmonious environment, and an occasional break in routine.

But I also know what my flaws are. I'm mouthy. I say inappropriate things in a sometimes misguided attempt to make people laugh. I can get down or angry about general stuff and let that creep into my personal interactions. I'm messy, and can't hold a logical train of thought for very long. There are some words I will never be able to spell without help from spellcheck. Scott just told me that I'm too sensitive, which transitions nicely into...

The ex-coworker (we'll shorten that to "e-cow" for future reference) nailed a lot of my flaws in the absolute least flattering terms.

1. I complain a lot. I really do try to make people laugh, but if done in a negative way frequently enough, I guess that would sound like a constant stream of complaints.

2. I'm polite to people's faces, but I say negative things to my friends behind their backs, which she says is fake. I thought it was called having manners, but taken too far it IS fake.

3. I'm stupid and inexperienced and nobody likes me. Well, I can't argue about the first two, because they apply to all of us in some ways. But the last, I mean, SOMEBODY likes me, right? At least my husband and daughter, I hope? Surely I'm not SO disagreeable as to turn EVERYONE off?

Here's my question: How is one supposed to sort the legitimate complaints about oneself from the mean-spirited e-cows out there? Is it good, when people lash out this way, that I take it to heart? I have been diligently trying to reason through her criticisms. Or am I giving the e-cows of the world too much credit and causing myself (and my long-suffering husband) undue stress?

I have also been reminding myself that even the best intentioned self-examinations can yield unpredictably negative results. And no matter who or what I'm dealing with, the only thing I can control is my own reaction.

And, finally, is this appropriate blog material - or is this part of the too-mouthy personality trait?

All of this lends an unfriendly tone to the inner voice that whispers in my ear. It steals away some of the confidence I've stockpiled, and renders me slightly less able to function at my best.

So what do we think? Is ignorance bliss? Or should we shoulder the burden of other people's perceptions, regardless of how positive or negative they are?

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