Re-launched, but still slightly under construction. :-)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The 10 Most Useless Inventions... Ever

AUGUSTA, GA. - There comes a time in everyone's lives when we sit up and think, "Aha! THERE'S my million-dollar idea!" But not each of those epiphanies bears out as we think it should. Here is a list of some of those disappointments, in no particular order.

1. Prodyne® Automatic Sugar Dispenser - Ideal for all sorts of everyday uses - coffee, cereal, baking, wasting my frickin' time... Just push a button for a precisely measured 1/2 teaspoon of sugar... unless it gets wet, gets tipped over, the batteries run down, or it just breaks, because you've decided that using a spoon is just too much work! Included refill funnel conveniently stores in the base. Or, you could just use a spoon.

2. PFI/Toyland 3 in 1 Digital Keychain Camera - Features 2MB memory, USB cable, and software CD. TWO MEGABYTES of memory?! You'd be better off buying it to use as nunchukus in the case of ninja attack. And if you win, you can taunt them with your tiny photos!

3. Tamrac® Carrying Case for Compact Digital Cameras - Dual Foam Technology secures your compact digital camera. Two Universal Memory & Battery pockets on the front keep you fully prepared. But isn't the whole point of getting a compact digital camera so you don't have to carry all that crap?!

4. ThinkFun Rush Hour - Pure bumper-to-bumper fun, the manufacturers say. They lie.

5. Waring Pro Cordless Wine Bottle Opener - Wine bottles open with ease (even with synthetic corks), thanks to this rechargeable unit. Yeah, look, they're called wine keys - and they were already cordless!

6. Time Life® Sweatin to the Oldies Complete Collection - This complete collection includes over 380 minutes of fantastic low-impact workouts. Because one DVD of Richard Simmons and his jazz hands is never enough.

7. Coleman® Remote Control Lantern - Where are you putting your lantern in your huge tent that you need a frickin' remote control?

8. Presto® FryDaddy® Deep Fryer - Family-size fryer makes delicious chicken, fries, and more. People, it's a pot. You probably have several already under your counter.

9. Waring Pro Martini Maker - Electric martini maker just plug it in then shake or stir. I want to know who shook a martini and thought, "This is just too much work." Because I want to find them and slap them.

10. Smartshopper Grocery List Assistant - With this handy, easy to use organizer, you'll never find yourself at the grocery store wondering what you need, or forgetting a crucial ingredient. Yes, you will. No microchip can change that - unless it's in your brain.