Monday, April 27, 2009
Jane Says...
AUGUSTA, GA. - We're all itching to read a new book that none of us can find: "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies." I scoured Atlanta for it last weekend and finally ordered it through Amazon. Amy tried to find it this weekend. No luck. It's on back...
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Emerson Says...
"Emmie, please put your clothes on," I said, wearily, for at least the third time, as I strode past her to get myself ready for a family birthday.
"I don' WANT to!" She shrieked.
"You don't want to see Gran-Gran and MeeMaw? At Nona's house?" I asked,...
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Save Summer Feet!
Look at these adorable stepping stones at Distinctly Different Antiques in Surrey Center - only $10!Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
A Haiku For Moms
Younger, I wonderedDoes grey hair grow all over?I tell you: It does.Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Amber Alert
Amber Carlson (heeeelll, yes, I called you out) and I are conversing out of our car windows at each other like the domesticated suburbanites we are (really, you could replace everything we said with "moo" and it would be just as accurate).
I had only...
Emerson Says...
"Look! Dose are fire ants!" Emmie points.
"Do you know why they're called fire ants? Because they bite you and it burns like fire," I explain. I leave out the part where it itches like mad for a week, but Em still looks frightened. She backs away from...
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thing One and Thing Two
We encountered an unknown animal yesterday at the Welcome Center just inside the Columbia County line.
On the way back to the car, it attacked Emerson. The Thing, which had previously been sleeping, opened its eyes and stopped Emmie at the sidewalk....
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Emerson Says...
"Das not fair! And if you not be nice to me when we get home I goin scream at you like dis: AAHHH! You hear dat? Lithen: AAHHH! Das whas goin happen."Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Friday, April 17, 2009
Bookstore Brouhaha
We've been at Borders for a couple of hours, now, and the pile of books we've gathered is now slipping out of our hands (damn you, Borders, and your $3.99 sale). The two younger children have devolved into turning flips and racing each other down the...
Emerson Says...
(Peering out the back window of the car)"Sir! Sir! We got free trucks behind us! We gotta go even more faster! Or dey goin' spank our butt!""What?! Who spanks your butt, Emerson?" I ask, alarmed."Da ancient trees!"Huh?...Sent via BlackBerry from T-...
Emerson Says...
"Guess what?! When da talking broccoli growed up, I'm gon' EAT it! Hey, mama, why you got dat pen in yer hair?"Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Take Note, Alannis Morisette: This is Irony
"University Medical Associates - how may I help you?" a distant female voice asks."Yes, I'd like to speak to the billing department, please," I answer."I'm sorry, but you've reached the answering service," she says."Oh, well, may I leave them a message?"...
Girly Walk, Interrupted
So I ran by Augusta Prep to pick up some paperwork, and once I got there realized that I had absolutely no idea where to pick it up."That's okay, I thought. "I'll just ask in this random office. Everyone is so nice here!"And suddenly I was on my face...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Stupid Stacey Trick
Tossed my clothes in the dryer this morning to knock the wrinkles out. Ran back shortly to see what the loud clattering was about to discover that I had left them on their hangers.Smooth.Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobi...
Monday, April 13, 2009
Honesty in Marriage is Very Important
I am carrying a single car key on a Tinkerbell key chain.Scott: "Did you lose your regular keys?"Me: "No."Scott: "You did."Me: "No."Scott: "Where are they?"Me: "Uh..."Scott: "That's what I thought...
Excerpts from Larry the Cable Guy Interview
If Larry the Cable Guy was a ventriloquist, his dummy would be Al GoreHe’s not really Dave Coulier from “Full House.” “My wife thinks that one is hilarious.” Trivia: It’s said that Coulier was the inspiration for the Alannis Morisette song “You Outta...
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Friday, April 03, 2009
Ironically, I'm Not All That Amused, Either
"Sophistry," I announce to Alice, after a 20-minute search for the correct word."What?""Sophistry," I say, smugly."I've never even heard of that word," she says, and commands me to spell it."Sophistry?" she asks again."Well, it could be soff-istry,"...
Why Doesn't She Pity the Fools?
A.W.: "I don't do Facebook."Me: "Why not?"A.W.: "It's too Big Brother-ish for me."Me: "No, it's not! What do you have a cabin in the woods and some bomb-making supplies, or somethin'?"A.W. (laughing): "No!"Me (sputtering): "Bu- I - Look!" (displaying...
How Stupid Do They Think We Are?
The Chronicle sent an intern over to the office to get our rates for U Magazine. The problem is that when she walked in, we recognized her from when one of us worked for the daily. When she left, she went back across the street.Real slick, big daily...
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Rain, Rain, Go Away...
Emmie and I played in the rainstorm this afternoon.It began as a quick walk - or, as she calls it, a "wikwok" - and ended with us both soaked to the skin. But once she was wet, it didn't matter HOW wet she got... So we kept playing and we both ended...
Bosom Buddies
Sometimes I meet people and think: "This person is awesome! I should know them more. I should invite them to dinner, or whatever something that real adults do to start friendships, and maybe we'll be bosom friends like Anne Shirley and Diana Barry.
And...
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Ah, Google - How I Love You
Gmail AutopilotTM by CADIE Email will never be a thing of the past, but actually reading and writing messages is about to be. Gmail Autopilot automatically manages your inbox better than you can, with zero effort from you. Learn more » ...
