Momnesia

Thing One and Thing Two

We encountered an unknown animal yesterday at the Welcome Center just inside the Columbia County line.
On the way back to the car, it attacked Emerson. The Thing, which had previously been sleeping, opened its eyes and stopped Emmie at the sidewalk. After, she climbed onto a concrete bench while I tried to coax her back into the car for the last 20 minutes of our ride.
But The Thing trapped her in place, an unreadable expression on her face. Em didn't blink, didn't react to my trying to engage her.
"Okay, Doodle," I called, laughing. "I gonna leeb you!"
I skipped to the car and opened the door. Usually, doubt registers on Emerson's face about that time. But The Thing narrowed its eyes. The Thing likes a challenge.
"Come get in the car, sweetie! We have to finish watching your Scooby Doo movie!"
No dice. The Thing eats speech-impeded dogs for breakfast.
"Daddy's missing us, Doodle-bug! Let's go see him!"
Bah! The Thing has no father. The Thing was spawned directly from the union of an erupting volcano and a radioactive meteor strike.
"Young lady, I'm going to start counting. You'd better get in this car! One..."
Threats? The Thing looked mildly interested. Would there be blood and entrails?
"Two..."
The Thing took stock of the angry creature in front of him, noting its ineffectual claws and teeth, its delicate skin and its organs unprotected by armor. The Thing would make short work of this creature.
"Three!"
The Thing sighed and looked away in disappointment. The creature standing on the pavement was not going to be fair sport.
In fact, the creature was backing its car slowly out of the parking spot while shouting more words. More words. More words. To The Thing, they sounded like yip!yip!yip!yip!yip!yip! The Thing did not like loud noises. The Thing turned away, looking for a new interest.
Faster than could have been imagined, the creature was upon The Thing, arms outstretched, eyes blazing. The Thing seemed to have underestimated the creature. It's powers increased in its anger! And it was too late to position itself for a fight. The Thing would have to run for it!
A mere three steps later, the creature had The Thing tucked securely under one arm. The Thing kicked, screamed, and hit, but was no match for the creature.The Thing was tossed into the car on a cushioned, elevated platform of some sort, and the creature slid menacingly into the front seat.
"Get in that car seat and put your strappies on right NOW, young lady," the creature commanded.
The Thing snarled. It swung. It connected with the creature's head. But the creature was undaunted. It removed all articles of entertainment from The Thing's surroundings and buckled the seat belt so that The Thing was incapable of escape.
The creature sighed. "When we get home, you're going right to bed, young lady."
The Thing roared in frustration and rage. But The Thing saw it was outmatched. It retreated behind the four-year-old's innocent visage as the perfect camouflage. Plotting its revenge upon the creature, The Thing closed its eyes and slept again.
"Thank God," I sighed. "Let's go home."


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