Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Free Chick-fil-A Biscuits on New Year's Day
Chick-fil-A Inc. is poised to go to battle over breakfast by offering free chicken biscuits with any purchase Jan. 1. Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A said the promotion is in response to competitors that have entered the chicken biscuit segment. "We pride...
Local Pet Store Accused of Selling Sick Dogs
A.C.: "That's horrible about the dogs with Parvo."K.J.: "I know. Merry Christmas, right?"Me: "Here's your dog carcass. Happy Holidays...
Marketing Firm's Clients May Require Re-Branding
We're reviewing the clients of a marketing firm in town.K.J.: "Shameless Dave and the Miracle Whips?"Me: "Must be a band..."K.J.: "Hm."Me: "Or an escort service!"K.J.: "Huh...
Monday, December 29, 2008
Augusta Newspaper Struggles in Slow Economy
AUGUSTA, GA. - My husband opened the front door yesterday and pulled The Augusta Chronicle out of the front bushes. He was jonesing for his crossword puzzle, which - I swear - is the only reason we subscribe. Thirteen dollars a month for crossword puzzles....
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Urge Overkill
Has anyone else looked around their home after Christmas and wondered: Where the hell are we going to put all of this stuff?Why do we have so much STUFF?! It's not like we're on the verge of a hoarding intervention, but seriously: I bought a fireplace...
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Grinchmas
Me: "So what about your grandparents?"Scott: "Lunch tomorrow. They already got the ham, so I told them we'd bring the sides."Me: "Cool. Whatcha want?"Scott: "Just grab a box of Stovetop Stuffing and a couple of cans of green beans."Me: "Oh, wow, honey....
On a Magic Kingdom Ride
Thursday, December 18
9 a.m. - WHY am I taking client phone calls while I am @ Disney?! I look like a self-important a-hole. Wait… Am I?
10 a.m. - News flash: Florida + scarf = stupid. Don't be a fashion victim.
10:30 a.m. - We've been @ Walt Disney...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Road Trippin’: Orlando Blooms
Subtitle: Or, how I survived a minivan with three kids and 1,000 rotations of the “Shrek” soundtrack
AUGUSTA, GA - It wasn’t the dumbest thing I’ve ever done – that would be a list too long to publish – but it could have been. We took three children...
Free Chocolate to the First Person Who Can Tell Me Why I'm Thinking of the Pointer Sisters
A.W.: "I'm glad I changed clothes. I wouldn't want to be wearing the same colors as [name redacted]."Me: "Why? I love the Worthington Collection...
And Also, He Looks Like Alf
AUGUSTA, GA. - B.O., who likes to find new and ever more inventive ways to annoy us with his iPod, turned on Christmas music a few minutes ago for our in-office party.K.J.: "Ugh... I hate Josh Grobin."H.O.: "How can you even say that?"K.J.: "I can say...
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Sympathy for Coma Boy?
Me: "Yeah, K.J. asked me, 'Did it make you love him more?' And I said, 'No, but it made me stop worrying about the little stuff, like the fact that he leaves his boxers in the floor every damn day."S.S.: "I would totally play that up. I'd be like, 'You...
Monday, December 15, 2008
The Weird Doesn't Fall Far from the Tree
Emerson: "When you put sumping in your butt crack, das mean you gon' be sick... What? Why you laffing? I not say nuffing...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Ah, the Life of a Sales Person
K.J.: "So I had a weird experience the other day..."Me: "Did you get into a car with Bryan, too?"K.J.: "No! So this guy comes in and asks some questions I told him that he had to talk to Tom Grant. So he comes back a couple days later and says, 'I really...
Emmie at the Metro Spirit Xmas Party
AUGUSTA, GA. - The Boll Weevil is a great place to eat, and our food was awesome. Emmie ordered a piece of red velvet cake that was nearly a foot tall. Seriously, it will snack her for at least a week. Next time you're there, go for the pork chops....
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Things I Never Thought I'd Say at/about a Navity Scene
AUGUSTA, GA. - "No, Emerson, we don't high-five the Virgin Mary."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"That's not Mary Had a Little Lamb, sweetie. That's Joseph, Mary, and Baby Jesus."
"Das...
Sunday, December 07, 2008
My Father's Way of Honoring Our Service Men and Women
AUGUSTA, GA. - One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Spencer standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.The six-year old had been staring...
Friday, December 05, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Turkey Day Tragedy: Ode to a Cooking Pot
I burned the crap out of my soup pot.
It's black and charred and smells a lot.
I called my husband, teary-eyed:
"Thanksgiving is done! The pot is fried!"
But he never panics; never fears.
My husband knows Wal-Mart is near.
And so when ends his radio...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Half-Off Sale at Summerville Child!
if(document.getElementById && parent && parent.fread) { var e=parent.fread.document; if(e) { var xstartindex = e.main.startindex; if(xstartindex && xstartindex.value) xstartindex=xstartindex.value*1;...
Morning Meditations
We're driving to Emmie's school this morning just after 7 a.m. The sky was bright, the result of clouds diffusing the sun's light, but the sun was still low on the horizon...
Emmie: "I think it's sun-times!"
Me: "It is sun-times. Look over there and...
Monday, November 24, 2008
What Readers of Augusta Parent Buy Each Month
AUGUSTA, GA. - January: The average American gains seven to 10 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. And what do they resolve? To diet and exercise, of course. The Super Bowl has made the two weeks prior to the game a huge TV-sales period,...
Trends for 2009
Here are 100 words to describe 2009, according to a coalition of top trend-spotters:AusterityAuthenticityBadooBasicBlueBusyChangeClassicCloudCommunityComplianceConnectivityControlConvictionCoreCrisisDebtDeflationDemurEarthyEcoEnoughErgomorphicEvict...
Morning Toddler Translations
Emmie: "Sound like beempeed! Woot, Mama! I tate my penterture wif my methometer!"
Translation: "Hear that beeping?! That signifies that I am officially a 'big girl,' as I am capable of taking my own temperature with this digital thermometer! Recognize...
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Shop SMART! Buy ART!
ART in the ATTIC YARD SALE Sat. Nov. 22, 9 a.m. - Noon Due to last Saturday's overwhelming success, the annual Art in the Attic Sale will be held again. Come do your Christmas...
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tables Turned? Or Spinning?
Lots of people accuse our newspaper of being "a liberal rag." Coming from outside this area as I do, I find it to be - generally speaking - more centrist that it's perceived in Augusta. But it's certainly farther left than the conservative enclave in...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Well, I Think Steve Madden is a Woodchuck
A.W.: "Laundry, folding laundry, dishes, cleaning... I hate it all."J.C.: "Wow, J's a lucky man."A.W.: "He does a lot of that stuff. Of course, between the Steve Madden game..."J.C.: "Steve Madden?"A.W.: "Wait... John Madden?"J.C.: "Yeah. I think Steve...
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Dunno Where the Smart Mouth Comes From...
AUGUSTA, GA. - A string of red arrows greeted me on Gordon Hwy. No left turns for miles. At a certain time of day the lights are scheduled to change only once every 15 minutes or so, so I drove to a cross street closer to home. Red arrows.
"Where we...
Friday, November 14, 2008
Ah! Why Didn't I Listen to Clark Howard?!
So I signed up for a 2-year plan with Suncom with a free phone, 1,000 minutes, free mobile-t0-mobile and whatnot.Then came T-Mobile. They bought up Suncom with a surprising quickness, changed the rate plans all up and forgot to transfer me onto their...
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Scott's Amazing Recovery
AUGUSTA, GA. - We had a scare yesterday when we found out that a patient who was at University with Scott - and had the same disease - has died. The 74-year-old avid cyclist, who had been feeling fine and even biking again, passed away a couple of days...
Majoring in Math Not a Requirement for Journalists
A.C. and I are riding to work together, past MCG on 13th Street."Wow, what's up with all the golf carts?" she exclaims."Where?""I just didn't expect to see 10 golf carts running down the sidewalk this morning," she laughs."Where?"She points. I only...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Zootastic Photos!
AUGUSTA, GA - So this weekend we lost our collective mind and decided to take ELEVEN people - mostly short folks - to Riverbanks Zoo. It made for a full Saturday of being-outside-ness, an activity that, frankly, I can't stand because of it necessitates...
Friday, November 07, 2008
Where Do They Come Up With These Things?
Emmie and I are snuggling in her bed, reading a book about "Finding Nemo."
"Can you find the pirate?" I ask, and she frowns in concentration.
"No! I not see da pirate!" she says.
"I'm just joking! There's no pirate," I laugh.
"Awwww, you mate a...
