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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Road Trippin’: Orlando Blooms

Tuesday, December 23, 2008 By No comments

Subtitle: Or, how I survived a minivan with three kids and 1,000 rotations of the “Shrek” soundtrack

AUGUSTA, GA - It wasn’t the dumbest thing I’ve ever done – that would be a list too long to publish – but it could have been. We took three children – ages 11, 4, and 3 – to Orlando for a week. Our goal: do as much as possible without killing ourselves or other people.

So aided by the good people at the many local theme parks, and a really nice lady at the Orlando Convention & Visitors Bureau who assured me that a nice percentage of the city’s visitors get out alive, we piled into a borrowed minivan and set forth into the land of reptiles – and enormous alligators.

Wednesday, Dec. 17

7:30 a.m. – We leave the house only 30 minutes later than I was hoping. The kids are excited to be together, and are occupied with activity bags.

9 a.m. -
Jackson: My pants smell like this.
Jacob: Let me smell!

10:30 a.m. – The “Shrek” soundtrack is on its 5th round. Apparently, no one thought to bring any other CDs. No, wait, we have the WWE wrestling soundtrack. Because that’s SUCH an improvement.

Noon – Not even half-way there & we've stopped 4 times, twice 4 behavior issues. Jackson’s defense: “A four-year-old is not meant to be sitting in a car this long!” It’s hard to argue with that. We stop at the Welcome Center just across the state line, and make the mistake of tossing Cheetos to a couple of lurking birds… and are engulfed by a 200-bird-strong flock of hungry, feral, feathered friends. “Stop throwing chips!” Jackson shrieks, utterly freaked out by the sheer numbers. We beat a hasty retreat into the van as the birds eye us greedily.

2 p.m. – The “Shrek” soundtrack in its fifth straight hour. I hate Smashmouth. Do they have any other songs?

3 p.m. – Playing the alphabet game & Jacob is already cheating. Eventually, I win with “Xcitement” on a billboard and “Zoological” on a road sign.

3:30 p.m. – About 30 min outside of Orlando, & we've only had 2 murder 1 child... So far.

4 p.m. – Condo is better than we hoped. Swam for a couple hours. It may be Fla., but it's still Dec. I didn't last 2 long.
6 p.m. – Now waiting for pizza. After carefully freezing casseroles, we went off & left them. Good work, Mom! And also, the inside of Pizza Hut hasn't changed since I was 9. And I still suck @ Galaga.

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