Momnesia

That's Chicago, Part: Almost Done, I Swear!

Continued from previous post, which was continued from the post before that...

AUGUSTA, GA. - So there I was, on the side of the road, in the mountains of Tennessee, in December, with a light sprinkle of snow falling. I was... excited! The roadside emergency kit in the hatchback of my Ford Escort (aka The Extra Large Matchbox Car) would finally get some use! White shirt out the driver's window. "Call Police" sign in the back windshield. I burned myself on the flares. And no one stopped.

It grew cold in the car. I bundled up in a blanket and waited. No one stopped. I grew frustrated and scared. I ran out of flares and got out the fireworks I had purchased across the state line for my little brother. I shot Roman candles into the sky. And no one stopped.

Halfway through the bag, I got pissed. Despite the fact that this was a major trucking corridor, no one stopped. I took aim at the 18-wheelers that passed by. Pop!pop!pop! went the Roman candle. Boosh! It exploded against the side of a trailer hauling goods to Wal-Mart. I danced and laughed... and watched as the truck's tail lights disappeared over the horizon. Shit. I lit another and kept up the barrage, thinking that someone could at least get angry enough to call the cops. And then I ran out of fireworks. And no one had stopped.

I was defeated. Scowling, I wrapped myself in my blanket and crawled into the back seat to sleep. I'd hike to the next exit in the morning. Sleep came quickly and easily.

"SHOW ME SOME I.D.!" a voice roared.

I shot up, smacked my head against the dome light, and squinted against the blinding light in my eyes.

"What?!"

"STATE PATROL, MA'AM! SHOW ME SOME I.D.!"

"Uh..." I couldn't think! Wait... wasn't there a warning at the campus Take Back the Night rally (again, it was the 90s) about not opening doors for strangers before checking their I.D.? This was MY car... such as it was.

"MA'AM! DID YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Yeah... no, look, YOU show ME some I.D.!"

"MA'AM! I WANT TO SEE YOUR I.D. NOW!"

"And I want to see your I.D.!" I shrieked, feeling bullied and... feverish? That's not a good sign. "Get that light out of my face and show me your badge!"

There was a surprised silence. Then a badge appeared against the window. The light moved off to the side. Stars still danced in front of my eyes as I examined it, made worse by the flashing blue lights of his cruiser. It looked real... not that I'd have been able to tell if it came from a Cracker Jack box. I fished for my purse, pulled out my driver's license and pressed it against the window.

"ARE YOU HURT?" he asked. Jesus, stop with the yelling already.

"No. My car broke down."

"Do you need help?"

"Um... no, I think I'll just sleep here all night in the snow."

"I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, MA'AM."

"Yeah, I was joking," I said as I stepped, shivering, from the car.

He appraised me: "How old are you?"

"21."

"Do your parents know where you are?"

"They know I'm supposed to be on my way home right now," I answered. Why did I suddenly feel like I was going to get grounded?

"Where's home?"

Uh, it's on the license plate, Mr. Defender of Freedom. He called a tow truck and let me hang in his heated cruiser while he lectured me on the dangers of sleeping on the side of the road and told me that he thought I had a fever. I explained that I'd planned to walk to the next exit in the morning and there's no way I'm getting sick at this point. I have to go back to work the day after tomorrow 'cause my former friend stole every cent I had left and I'm friggin' broke.

Thankfully, the tow truck arrived in a record 20 minutes. I hopped happily out of the car to greet the driver. And then, the universe dealt me another blow: a Rottweiler the size of a draft horse bounded out the tow truck's door, spotted me and, with a mighty bark, tore right at me. It was like trying to outrun the wind. By the time I could have turned for the car, he would have been upon me. Besides... I no longer cared.

It had been the most annoying week of my life. I was prepared to die... and apparently that preparation was just in time for an attack by this erstwhile Cujo. As I resigned myself to my doom, the big black horse scrunched its hindquarters and leaped through the air....

To be continued...