Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Gift horses and party invitations
I was kind of irritated that a photo of a snake was maybe my most popular blog/social media post ever - more than 100 comments. Because if you gift me with a horse, I'ma be all up in its mouth.
And just after threatening to start blogging about animals...
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Rawr!
There was a 5-foot alligator all up in Brick Pond Park in North Augusta two weeks ago. Emmie kept leaning over to get a closer look and freaking me out.
"Emmie, if you fall in, I'm gonna have to jump on that alligator and wrestle it while you get out....
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Bribery works every time
It's 90 bazillion degrees. I'm sweating in places I didn't know I had skin. We've been here for three hours, and I've chugged five bottles of water. Now, Emmie and I are standing in a line for balloon animals that stretches 25 kids back. At 3-5 minutes...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I had good intentions...
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Saturday, May 21, 2011
Things I Will Do After the Rapture
After the rapture, these are my plans, in no particular order:
Say, "Wow, was I ever wrong."
Go-kart the Greeneway.
Host a sock hop at the Sno-Cap Drive-in. Win ALL the dance prizes.
Show "The Life of Brian" at the Big Mo.
Steal a tank from...
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Identity
We were at Mistletoe State Park, soaking up too much sun and freezing our behinds off in the water. The park had a Spring Fling event going on that day.
As we were leaving, they began to clean up the games they'd put out for the kids. A park ranger...
Monday, May 16, 2011
Such a card...
Emmie and I are playing Uno. We love card games.
"... AHA! Color-changer to green," I say, slapping down a wild card. "And uno!"
She narrows her eyes, contemplates her hand of cards.
"Hey, Emmie, guess what color I have?" I tease, waving my one remaining...
Friday, May 13, 2011
Not one for SEAL Team 6
Emmie's brushing her teeth - at least, that's what she wants me to think. But I didn't hear her turn on the water, and the electric toothbrush wouldn't be so loud if it was in her mouth.
Twenty seconds later, she comes bopping into my bedroom.
"I...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Like politics and sausage-making
Employee: "I'm looking through all these intellectual property documents, and I came across something called an anal sample swab... I shuddered."
Me: "Maybe they mean a 'meticulous' sample swab...?"
Employee: "Somehow I doubt it, considering the accompanying...
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Flower power!
So, if you're anything like me, guys, holidays just sneak-attack you every time. Here I am, minding my own business, working my schedule day after day, trying to get take each day as it comes (I never got the hang of Tuesdays), and - WHAM! Birthday....
Friday, May 06, 2011
Girls who wear glasses...
Recently, I went to get my eyes examined. I had some medical issues in October, and my vision seems to have been impacted. So I wanted to make sure that I'd covered all my bases. My prescription eyeglasses didn't change much, and I was SUPER impressed...
Full moon at the lake
Emmie and I spent a day at Mistletoe State Park with a friend and her two children. The moms swam a little, but we spent most of the day chatting and laughing.
We were braving the water again before we left when I saw something. Her bathing suit -...
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Fish or cut bait
Scott: "I'm going to the country."
Me: "Whatcha gonna do?"
Scott: "Fish."
Me: "Okay. Have fun not catching anything."
Scott, chuckling: "Thanks. That's pretty much how it goes."
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Monday, May 02, 2011
Tears and blood are unavoidable, but I have to try
Emmie and I are at a birthday party for the lovely and talented Mary Anne when I see several children piling onto a Radio Flyer tricycle.
"Mm-mm, that is not going to end well," I mutter to a friend and go over to put a stop to it.
"Guys, this is...
