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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Things I Will Do After the Rapture

Saturday, May 21, 2011 By

After the rapture, these are my plans, in no particular order:

Say, "Wow, was I ever wrong."

Go-kart the Greeneway.

Host a sock hop at the Sno-Cap Drive-in. Win ALL the dance prizes.

Show "The Life of Brian" at the Big Mo.

Steal a tank from Fort Gordon and use it to drive over abandoned cars at Wal-Mart.

Move into Port Royal's penthouse. Skip the elevators and rappel down the side of the building each morning.

Help myself to whatever I darn well please at Takosushi, Bistro 491, Manuel's, and Cheers! Wine & Beverage. Leave a generous tip anyway.

Play the Augusta National - with a pitching machine. Cool off in Ike's Pond after a hard day on the course. Make myself a bouquet of azaleas.

Drive my tank over the guardhouse in Westlake. Avail myself of the neighborhood's amenities.

Windsor Jewelers - you are mine!

Lace Regency Mall with C4 and blow that mutha up.

Play with all the goodies at Learning Express Toys.

Raid the studios of Philip Morseberger, Tom Nakashima, Leonard Zimmerman, Kathy Girdler-Englar, Troy Campbell, Raul Pacheco, and Shishir Chokshi. I'm leaving out some folks, but - trust me - I'll be in ur studio, stealin ur artworks.

Submit ALL the entries to The Metro Spirit's Whine Line.

Gavel myself down at the Augusta Commission meetings.

Please feel free to submit your own ideas.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


  1. Too, too funny! I pictured myself smelling my azaleas while enjoying an Arnold Palmer on the patio of the Big House.

  2. Too bad it all turned out to be just another in a long, long line of rapture mistakes! I'm with you on raiding the artwork. How about driving the engine out of the Augusta Museum & heading on down what's left of the tracks? LOL!