Momnesia

New Year's Diet Resolution

AUGUSTA, GA. - Thanks, Dad, for this gem:

I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH)

I was feeling a bit crabby so, on impulse, I told her, "NO," and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time. BUT, I told her, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it.

I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said, "Oh, NO .. I was sitting in the middle of the street licking my butt when a car hit me."

I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out on a stretcher!