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Monday, January 30, 2012

Things I will never do

Monday, January 30, 2012 By 1 comment

So it's the end of the first month of the year, and I've realized that I will never keep a New Year's resolution. Apparently, neither will you. But that's okay. Because there are many things we'll never do in our lifetimes.

Things I will never do:

1. I will never finish an entire tube of Blistex without losing it.
2. I will never learn more numbers of Pi than just 3.14.
3. I will never slam a revolving door.
4. I will never construct a triangle from its angle bisector. Effing heck, I don't even know what that means.
5. I will never win the cinnamon challenge.
6. I will never travel in space.
7. I will never count to infinity - and beyond.
8. I will never tame a unicorn.
9. I will never escape from a black hole.
10. I will never escape to Witch Mountain.
11. I will never understand the appeal of "Seinfeld."
12. I will never get my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, Harvard, Starfleet Academy, or the Xavier School for Higher Learning.
13. I will never smoke. Anything.
14. I will never volunteer at a clown convention.
15. I will never climb Mt. Everest.
16. I will never kiss anything with an exoskeleton.
17. I will never ask anyone for their "buy-in."
18. I will never abandon my child.
19. Of course, there's this...
20. I will never get anything else pierced... again.
21. I will never voluntarily take a class on taxidermy.
22. I will never watch a "Jerseylicious" marathon.
23. I will never finish the Ghettoburger at Anne's Snack Shack.
24. I will never become a Disney star.
25. And, finally, I will never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

So, I suppose I shouldn't be worried about one little New Year's resolution, when there's SO MUCH that I will never do.


  1. Number 6 makes me hope that you get a free ticket to outer space so that you will HAVE to not accept it.

    Number 8 makes me want to get you a unicorn for your birthday. Even if it's just a horse with a silly horn on it's face.

    Number 11 makes me happy, because I don't (and didn't) either.

    Number 12 makes me sad, because me neither :-(