Momnesia

Y'all. I am SO LOST. I've been using several blog platforms for years, now, and when I decided I wanted to do something "cool" to my boring old layout, I was all, "Psh! I got this."

But I don't got it. There are a bajillion freaking brackets in the code for this thing, and I only know what about half of them are talking about. That has made for some experimenting - "Hmm. So if that is this, and this is that thing, what happens if I just delete this..." That has made for some "Oh, #$@%^#^%$^@&#^!!"

Le sigh... Totally first-world problems, I know. Still, bear with me while I try to remember why I started this freaking process in the first place - and maybe get it right. Eventually.

Trying to redesign my own blog makes me realize how little I know about blogging. Bear with me, folks. I'm learning as I go.

This is definitely not how I wanted it to look...

My Dad's email account got hacked, and he's thinking of moving to another service.

"...so I think I'll try Live Mail."

"Dad, just use Gmail."

"Zee mail?"

"G, as in Google. Kelli and I both use it."

"Well, maybe I'll look into that."

"Also, I customized my inbox with ninjas."

"Ninjas?"

"Ninjas."

"Well, I guess I have to take that into consideration."

"Everything's better with ninjas. Hackers fear ninjas. Your inbox will be safe."

"That's very persuasive."

Not these ninjas.

"Mama, I'm not s'posed ta tell you dis, but when I'm 17 I'm goeend be a Power Ranger because I wanna fight eebil," Emmie said.

"Well, I'll be very proud of you, like I am now," I answered.

"But you not goeend ta know. Cause I'm not goeend ta tell you," she said.

"Didn't you just tell me?"

"Yeah, but it wuz a seecrud."

Dear Netflix -

Like the rest of your customers, I received the letter from your CEO, Reed Hastings, yesterday:

The apology letter detailed the company's future plans to separate your DVD and streaming services, to rename your DVD service Qwikster, and to charge for them, separately. Well, on behalf of your customers, I would like to respond:

You guys are so stupid. "Qwikster?" What 50-year-old intern poring over 90s-era case studies came up with that name?

Look, you went about this the wrong way to begin with. You should have explained to customers about the difficult new contact negotiations the company was facing, and the reluctance of major studios to give up their streaming revenue in exchange for a flat fee, instead of letting business reporters do it for you. They want individual branding and extra compensation, like cable channels offer - nevermind that cable TV is being rendered extinct by the market penetration of new technologies like your very own streaming service and that it has the highest rate of customer dissatisfaction of any service industry in America, even behind cell phone companies. Basically, in an age of both innovation and austerity, studios are pitching a temper tantrum on the boardroom floor.

The Netflix CEO likes to say that actions speak louder than words, and that's great. A worthwhile product and great customer service go a long way. But if the only action customers can see and feel is a 60 percent rate hike, in the middle of a market that is - for now - still controlled by cable television, words become necessary.

Netflix, you had a great deal of brand loyalty, and you squandered it by not remembering your place in the market. Yes, you are still cheaper than cable. But you are still an ancillary service that most households carry in addition to cable - not the primary, stand-alone content provider for American households. You are still the scrappy upstart yapping at bloated, gluttonous media companies like Time Warner. You are democracy, capitalism and innovation. They are oligarchy, monopolization and status quo. You are not yet a major force in contract negotiations. Know your role and use it. We look forward to your future.

I am one of those few households that uses you as the primary content provider. I don't carry cable because I find it less reliable than my 6-year-old's memory for chore lists. I won't change my service for now, because you are still cheaper than cable - and I like the BBC serial content you provide - thanks for "Downton Abbey," "MI-5" and "Lost in Austen." But you all have to get your crap together. Nobody wants YET ANOTHER bill (really, two bills every month instead of one?), especially from a company (seriously, "Qwikster?") that sounds like a two-bit gas station."

So, I had a new post all ready to go... but then I stumbled upon an education article in the New York Times this week that fascinated me - particularly this passage about teaching logic and critical thinking skills:

When I asked Bogin to explain Shchedrovitsky, he asked a question. “Does 2 + 2 = 4? No! Because two cats plus two sausages is what? Two cats. Two drops of water plus two drops of water? One drop of water.”

From there, the theories became more complex. In practice, though, the philosophy meant that Bogin delighted in barraging children with word problems and puzzles to force them to think broadly. It was the opposite of the rote memorization of the Soviet system.

At dinnertime, the kids taunted me with riddles. “Ten crows are sitting on a fence,” Arden announced. “A cat pounces and eats one crow. How many are left?” “Umm, nine,” I said, fearing a trap. “No, none!” she gleefully responded. “Do you really think that after one crow is eaten, the others are going to stick around?” 

I kind of want to move to Russia just to enroll Emmie in this school! Anyway, it's a fascinating read. Take a look at it.

My sister and our nephew made this brostache tribute to my mother. Please let her know how much you admire her for passing on her grace and class to her children and grandchildren.

One of those things is whitewater rafting and kayaking. I took a refresher run down the lower Pigeon River earlier this summer. Labor Day weekend, I jumped back in full force with a run down the middle Ocoee River.

The Ocoee River was the site of the 1996 Olympic kayaking competition. The upper portion is world-class, technical and dangerous. People have died.


This is not the section I did - LOL! At least, not yet. I have a five-year-plan.*

My sister and I took our 13-year-old nephew on a three-hour trip down the middle Ocoee, a section of Class III and Class IV rapids (on the traditional six-class scale) that harbors dangers like Hellhole and Tablesaw. The river is controlled by the Tennessee Valley Authority, which coordinates water releases from their dam system. The outfitting companies know the schedule and coordinate trips accordingly.

We chose a rafting outfitter that we had both used before, Nantahala Outdoor Center. I didn't know that National Geographic Traveler recommends them - but they do. The NOC has seven different centers on a number of rivers in the Southeast.

The only things you really need to go rafting are: strong swimming skills, full use of your arms and legs and the ability to work as a member of a team. The teamwork aspect of the trip is as important as the physical abilities, because seven paddles in the water can either propel the raft where it needs to go, or drive seven people into a hole that might drag them all into the water and drown them. The seventh person makes the most difference in the quality of your trip. That person is the guide.

A good guide isn't just skilled at reading and running the river. The best guides can also read the quality and experience of the boat's occupants, adjust their seating positions for maximum efficiency and motivate them to work together. It's not enough for someone to work their oar as a rudder like an expert. That person also needs to get their paddlers going fast enough to make it through rapids like Double Suck without getting pulled back and swamped under the current. They also have training in swiftwater rescue - although it's rarely needed.


Our guide was Ray, originally from New Orleans, La. Having gained his experience by running and guiding on the French Broad River for a few years, he was all of the things you want in a guide.

"Safety is important to me," he told us. "But I like to have fun. So we're going for a big splashy ride without sacrificing safety."

I used to look for a guide that was all "whoooo!" but I find that, while their enthusiasm certainly is infectious, people tend to fall out of their boats. Ray was chill. So what we got was a big ride, some splashy surfing and no one fell out.

Not to say there weren't moments where that could have happened. When you put into the river for the middle run, you put in right into Grumpy's, a stretch of Class III rapids. No time to get acclimated - just start paddling. Because I was so excited, I made a rookie mistake and didn't hook my feet. I almost went out in the first 60 seconds like an idiot.


Going into the rapids isn't the end of the world. Most of the time, you'll get pulled back into the boat quickly - or you can surf the whitewater and make your way over to the side. You wouldn't be the first person to fall in - and, in fact, sometimes that water looks really tempting. It has crossed my mind that throwing myself into the water could be as much - or more - fun as rafting or kayaking. In fact, the new trend is body surfing or paddle boarding through the rapids. I do not recommend this. But I'd be lying if I said I would not like to try it.


There are some challenging and frightening sections of this run, and it's not for those under 12. While there's no swim test prior to participating, and everyone is outfitted to the gills with safety equipment, I don't think weak swimmers should try it, just in case. We were actually a little concerned about Jacob. He's not a weak swimmer; he's just young. But Kelli and I were both afraid that he might get dumped into the drink. On one rapid it seemed he might bounce out. She grabbed his arm, and I grabbed his lifejacket.

"If someone ends up in the water," guides tell you, "don't go in after them."

We might have ignored that advice. So I'm glad Jacob didn't fall out. Me? I was whooping it up and cackling like a Disney sorceress the entire trip.

Midway through the run, there's a lovely stretch where you can hop out and swim. Do it. The water is phenomenal. And it's a nice bit of relaxation before the insanity picks back up.

At the end of the run, near the TVA power station, there's a series of holes that propel your boat almost straight up into the air. This.... is the s#!t.


Not to say that everything was perfect. The river was very crowded, which kind of killed the scenic vibe. So crowded, in fact, that at one point, our raft drove a kayaker up onto a rock. Oops. Sorry, dude. But it was Labor Day weekend. It was bound to be crowded.

At the end of the run, you pull your raft up onto the riverbank, and the outfitters load it onto a trailer. Then they drive you in a big bus back to the outpost and try to sell you photos. Since you probably didn't get any photos of yourselves as you paddled furiously through the rapids, and since there are professional photographers (sans Photoshop, boo!) snapping the shots alongside the river, it's actually a great idea to pick up a few - and it's way cheaper than a family sitting at a pro boutique.

If it's early in the day, and you're feeling it, grab another run - or try a run of the upper Ocoee... you know... if you don't mind the possibility of falling out and getting thrashed around like you're in a washing machine. Oh, don't be such a baby. Rangers trained in swiftwater rescue patrol that stretch constantly, with throw-ropes at the ready. Other boaters can be counted upon to assist, as well.


We also recommend dinner at the Ocoee Dam Deli & Diner when it's over. We ordered the triumvirate of meats: buffalo chicken wrap, pulled pork barbecue wrap and handmade burger. Everything was excellent, reasonably priced and very fresh. On Saturdays, they have a live bluegrass band. I can't think of one bad thing to say about the restaurant.

Would I recommend rafting the Ocoee River as a family activity? Yes. In fact, this may be one of the few activities your maudlin teens might actually enjoy! Take them. Take them often.

Disclaimer: We did acquire some injuries. I have tiny spot of "raft burn" on my inner calf, and Jacob managed to get stung by a bee and twist his knee.

Where: Ocoee, Tenn.
When: Before Memorial Day or after Labor Day, if possible. Otherwise, the river is crowded and lodging rates are almost double. But it's some comfort to have a crowded river: More boats to rescue anyone who gets dumped out.
Who: 12-years-old and older. Recommend strong swimmers.
Where to stay: There are a number of lodges in Ocoee. We grabbed a room at the Ramada Ltd. in Cleveland, Tenn., which was fine, but nothing special. Consider camping at one of the numerous area campgrounds. It's cheaper, and the weather is gorgeous!
What to bring: Swimsuit or shorts and a tank top; water shoes or something like Tevas; sunglasses; athletic strap for prescription glasses or sunglasses; sunscreen; towel; change of clothes; confidence and sense of adventure; tip money for the guide.

* The plan goes like this: "Within five years, I will do that Olympic run in a kayak without falling out or dying." I will work out the details later. Maybe. More likely, I'll just rent a kayak and throw myself into the water. ... And then die.

Emmie and I are reading Junie B. Jones, and she is having trouble sounding out a word.

"Guh... ahhhh... ing," she tries. But that doesn't make sense to her.

"Guh... oooo... ing," she tries again. But that doesn't work, either. We've been reading for 20 pages, and she's starting to get frustrated.

"Wait, Doodle, there's one more sound an 'o' can make. Do you remember?"

"Is it dis sound? Phflllllllllllllltttt!"

She dissolves into cackles, laughing so hard that her stomach hurts.

"Hey, guess what?" she said. "I fink I'm going to change all da o's to be said like phflllllllt! Is dat a great idea, or what? Who do we call for dat decision?"

Emerson takes ballet, and while she refuses to show me what she's learned after her class, she will bust out a brief demonstration at wholly inappropriate moments. Like this morning, when she decided to show me her curtsy as I was blow-drying my hair.

"Look, mama! Firss, you put dis foot back. Den you ben' your knees and walla!"

She means "voila." It's so adorable.

"That's lovely, Emerson. Very well done."

"Now you, mama."

Um, okay. First I put one foot back... then I bend my knees and crrrrrrackcrack!

Yes, that was my knees cracking. No ballet for me.

During lunch, two coworkers and I were chatting about relationships. She is seeing someone casually. He and I were listening to a small dilemma she had.

"So I called to see if he wanted to do something tonight," she said. "I know we just saw each other Saturday, but I thought we could squeeze something in."

I couldn't help it. I snickered. He chuckled.

"That's what I was thinking, too," he smirked, and we dissolved into a full-on gigglefest that was totally lacking in intelligence or maturity.

"Thanks, guys," she rolled her eyes. "That's real helpful."

Am I the only thirty-(mumble)-year-old who still finds conversational phrases in contexts like this funny? It's so stupid! It's like the "Jersey Shore" of situational comedy!

Le sigh... I'm going to go read some Oscar Wilde.

Emerson sleeps with me every night, and I really enjoy it. I like reading with her each evening. I like our quiet conversations, her sleepy smile, the way she insists on snuggling every morning before we get up. But while I was lying in bed the other night, I felt her pee on me.

Well, that's just awesome.

A friend, a divorced mom, has a boyfriend who slept over one night when her children were away.

"I forgot how nice it is to wake up with someone," she said.

I thought about that when I felt Emmie pee on me.

People keep asking me when I plan to start dating again - why they'd wish that on some poor, unsuspecting soul is beyond me - and I suppose I could start dating at any time. But my answer to their question is "Probably never," because one of those relationships would eventually turn into something serious. Someone would want to move in or get married or something. And, hey, maybe there's a person out there who exists and is so great that the relationship could inspire me to make Emerson sleep in her own bed. Maybe.

But you'd have to be a frickin' amazing person to get between me and my daughter's pee.

Emmie: "Mama, der's dirtiness in da tub."

Me: "What? How? I just scrubbed it."

Emmie: "I don' know. Where do it come from?"

Me: "Probably from your butt."

Emmie: "No, iss not from my butt."

Me: "Could be."

Emmie: "Could be, but isss not. I diddin' eben rub any dirt on my butt today."

Me: "[Snort]... it must a banner day for you."

Once upon a time there was a brave M&M warrior. He came out of the bag, helmet in place, ready for battle.

Rawr! He lost. The end.

Photos courtesy of Allison Brown.

Oh, you just read that headline and thought "No way. You can't do Atlanta in a single weekend." And you'd be right. But you can do five major tourist attractions in two days with children - although it will be a whirlwind. This plan is specifically for a weekend trip to the city's main tourist attractions, but it can always be modified for longer stays. It's good for any point of the year, but Labor Day weekend is coming soon. There's also a short break mid-fall, and the Christmas holidays to come. The cheapest and most efficient way to carry out this plan is with an Atlanta CityPass. Emerson and I used them this summer and it was fabulous!

Friday - Hello, Hotel
The last thing anyone wants to do is fight traffic for two hours before a full day of activities. I suggest you drive up to Atlanta just after work on Friday. If you're like me, you crash at your parents' house - and your mommy cooks an enormous breakfast Saturday morning, yay! But if you aren't fortunate enough to have the convenience of friends or close family with whom to bunk, I suggest grabbing a hotel on the MARTA line.

There are lots of great choices downtown: Hipster hangouts like the W Hotel and Hotel Indigo; business style hotels like the Westin and the Marriot; and super cool boutique boudoirs like Twelve Atlantic Station and Artmore. I recommend Glenn Hotel for chic city living (and their SkyLounge rooftop bar), the Hyatt for core service and location, and there's a Hampton Inn that is a good value for budget travelers.

Me. Want. Martini. Now! Hello, SkyLounge. I love you.

Regardless, if you leave Augusta by 5 p.m., you can be there by 7:30 p.m., which either puts you right smack in the middle of dinner service or - if you filled up from the drive-through - gives you just enough to time to throw down your gear and hit the pool for a couple of hours.

Check out the downtown Atlanta dining guide available here. Yes, there's a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, but that's a chain you can hit in a lot of cities. And it's not significantly different than The Chop House at the Augusta mall.

I recommend: Dua Vietnamese Noodle Soup, Thrive and - oh, wait, you have kids. Just go to Landmark Diner. It's good food, at a good price, with some panache. A little touristy, but fun.

It's like the 50s threw up in here.

Saturday - Waterlogged
Saturday is all walking. Lose the sandals, chuck the Chuck Taylors and get out your sneakers. Pack a cooler bag with snacks and drinks, or you can expect to mortgage your house to buy munchies. I usually just treat the cooler bag as my purse, except due to the prevalence of liquids and crumbs, I stick my electronics in Ziploc bags. I also pack a change of clothes for each kid (yes, in ziploc bags). You might need it - we did. Okay, so the bag is heavy to begin with, but it lightens as the day goes on.

8:30 a.m. - Start towards the Georgia Aquarium, but stop on the way at the CNN Center to get tickets for the 4:30 p.m. tour. It will only take a minute or two, and they often sell out of tickets by noon.

8:45 a.m. - You want to get to the Aquarium before it opens for several reasons. First, there is usually a line. It's the largest aquarium in the U.S., so it's quite the tourist attraction. Second, you have a bit of a hike to get there - just ask the concierge for directions. Trust me, they know. It's best if you cut through Centennial Olympic Park. It's a little confusing, but ask any City of Atlanta police officer, and they'll point the way with a friendly smile. Third, you don't want to miss feeding times. They're updated daily. Try for the seals, penguins and otters. You will find yourself squealing at the abundance of cuteness - and I mean you, Dad!

The aquarium is a huge place with lots to explore, but the highlights are: Ocean Voyager, with the famous walk-through tunnel and whale sharks; the beluga whales, penguins and touch pool in Coldwater Quest; and the touch tank in front of Georgia Explorer, with bonnethead sharks and sting rays. There's a two-story playground beside that, so expect to lose your kids for a while. Despite the Aquarium's size, children only have attention spans of so long. So let them lead you around. Likely, they'll be ready to go in a couple of hours.

Petting sharks is freaking cool. That is all.

Noonish - Take a walk back to Centennial Olympic Park. Let the kids run around like maniacs in the park and its playgrounds and have a picnic or buy some grub from Googie Burger. If it's hot, let them run through the fountains. They'll dry off quickly enough. If not, make 'em wait until after your next destination.

This does not come close to the crowds mid-summer. It was insane.

1 p.m. or so - Walk back through the park and play the free mini-golf course adjacent to the World of Coke museum. Then grab your tickets from the digital kiosk and step inside. To be honest, this was my least favorite of the tourist attractions we visited, but it was still pretty cool. You'll only kill a couple of hours, at most in here, but don't miss the 4D theater and the tasting room. I am now obsessed with locating a local source for Kinley Bitter Lemon soda - but it's not sold the U.S. Didn't the Geneva Convention outlaw torture?

DRINK ALL THE THINGS!!

4 p.m. - Back through the park up the hill to the CNN Center you go where you'll start your tour with a ride up the world's tallest freestanding escalator. It's in the Guinness Book. A quick note: They are crazeballs about security. Leave your Leatherman tool back at the hotel - and even if you have a permit for that concealed weapon, people, you're not getting it inside this tour.

Although the building is also home to Cartoon Network, the tour is about the behind-the-scenes production of news at CNN Center. Emerson and I didn't make it but about 20 minutes into our tour before I realized she just was not feeling it. Frankly, she was distracting other people enough that I thought it best to abandon ship. Six years old might be a tad young. I'd recommend no younger than 8 years old. However, she did thoroughly enjoy the gift shop. Unfortunately, my wallet did not.

From this perspective, it does not look impressive. Trust me, it is.

5:30 p.m. - You're done for the day, and probably ready for a meal. With smaller kids, after such a big day, I recommend delivery pizza and pool time. Older kids might still be raring to go, though. Your options are limitless, but consider hopping MARTA to Atlantic Station for some dinner, shopping and a movie. Or you might take the train to Lenox Mall for a similar experience. Alternately, you could try to catch a show at the Fox Theatre or a smaller local venue like the 14th Street Playhouse.

Sunday - Choices
Pack your cooler bag/purse again. You're going to need it.

On the CityPass, the three attractions from Saturday are fixed. But the last two tickets in the pack give you a choice between the High Museum of Art or Fernbank Museum of Natural History, and between Zoo Atlanta or the Atlanta History Center. The High Museum is the only attraction available directly from the MARTA train. The others require a relatively painless bus transfer. To be honest, I recommend checking out of your hotel as you leave, and driving to these attractions. They're pretty close together, but parking can be craptastic. Just depends. But you can always park at a shopping center and catch the bus again.

We chose the Zoo and Fernbank, and we drove. That was taking a chance, because I am the getting-lostested person you'll ever meet. However, since I can triangulate the position of both of these joints relative to Little Five Points (and I recently figured out how to work the GPS software on my phone [too bad I didn't do that before we went to Gatlinburg]), it didn't worry me.

9 a.m. - Arrive at the Zoo. Hopefully. I don't know what the buses do, so good luck to you on that. Because everything is outside, you want to start early. It gets hot quickly. Invest in an all-attractions armband for the kids. At $8, it's worth it for unlimited carousel rides, train rides, bounce-house time and rock climbing. And instead of going to the left with everyone else, go to the right and start at the kids' area. Hit the playground and rides first, so they don't nag you about it the entire flippin' time. Plus, you'll pretty much have the facilities all to yourselves. No lines. Emmie climbed up and rappelled down that rock wall for almost an hour straight. I tried to climb it three times... Mommy down! Massive fail! No good! Luckily, there were many benches nearby on which I could recuperate and shout encouragement to Emerson.

Harder than it looks, people. Don't laugh at me!

Now, you might think you should continue to the right - but no! Go back to your left because you want to see Meerkat Manor. And if you wait too long in the day, they'll go underground to hide from the heat. There is lots to see here, of course, including shows and other activities, but the biggest attractions for us were the pandas, the big cats and the petting zoo. I swear, if zoos were smarter, they'd skip the expensive exotic animals and just keep goats. There was no end to the entertainment! We did love to see the tigers around feeding time, though. I was really happy there was an inch of bulletproof glass between us, 'cause that cat was pissed off.

So cute!

Noonish - You're getting hungry. Have a picnic from your cooler bag in Grant Park (where some of "The Walking Dead" was filmed) - or enjoy the dining on site. We like Wild Planet Cafe because their kids meals are not a terrible deal at all, especially since Wild Planet's menu features all-natural, free-range, hormone-free chicken tenders and grilled chicken and all-natural, nitrate-free hot dogs. But, you might also be done with the Zoo, depending on your kids.

You can hop the bus back up Boulevard to Six Feet Under, or get closer to your next destination by dining in Virginia-Highland or Little Five Points. Try Noche or YEAH! Burger in Virginia Highlands; or take your chances in the ever-changing dining landscape of L5P. Do I sound bitter? That's because I am. I'm still pissed that Teaspace closed down 10 years ago, along with La Fonda Latina and Bridgetown Grill. Heck, I still miss African Brown Bag from the 1980s. Anyway, Vortex is always solid with an entertaining cast of characters, but the smoking laws make it 18+. Savage Pizza is good, but it's just pizza... Meh, stick with Va-Hi for dining. Noche has the best service - ask for Kelli.

Lobster taco, chicken empanadas, fried green tomatoes!

2 p.m.-ish - Fernbank is only open until 5 p.m. on Sundays, so this is about as late as you want to get there. Notice the giant dinosaur bronzes outside? That's your clue that the building holds a lot of awesome. It's not the American Museum of Natural History, but it's pretty great.

In the laaaaand of the looooooost!

There is lots to touch and play with in here, so even the smallest kids will enjoy it. Plus they show rockin' cool movies in their IMAX Theater! Highlights of the museum include Giants of the Mesozoic (dinosaurs are kewl), Sensing Nature and their rotations of special exhibitions. When we tried to go, it was during their extremely popular "Mythic Creatures: Dragons, Unicorns and Mermaids exhibition." We couldn't even park. Atlanta police were directing traffic. It was crazy. But their next exhibition is on Darwin, and then they do their annual Winter Wonderland, which is always lovely.

The swamp walkthrough is just one interactive exhibit.

5-ish - You're most likely done, and ready to hit the road. If you leave now, you can be back in Augusta before 8 p.m. And you could do that by hitting the drive-through. BUT! Why are you leaving Atlanta without a little Varsity love? They'll bring it right to your car, ya know. You'll have the No. 2, add slaw, with onion rings and extra ketchup on the side. Have a Coke to drink. Don't bother with the F.O. (Frozen Orange). It tastes like... childhood memories sent through a factory, reconstituted with preservatives, packaged and mass-marketed. Like "Stand By Me," but with a happy ending where they don't see a dead body but instead all get first kisses and frickin' luck dragons. But I digress... Point is, I guess, that I am the only native Atlantan who does not like the Frozen Orange. Sorry, Varsity. I still love you.

YES. THIS.

If you don't feel like heading back towards downtown, you could put some asphalt behind you and stop for a bite just outside of the city. Since you'll be coming back down Moreland Ave. to hit I-20, you could stop in L5P for dinner. I scoff at your efforts to park, though.

Another choice is to head to the area surrounding Stonecrest Mall off Turner Hill Road in Lithonia (about 20 minutes from the Moreland Drive entrance onto I-20). They have Gladys Knight's Chicken & Waffles! The other is to hoof it double-time to Social Circle and catch the Blue Willow Inn's famous Sunday dinners (about 40 minutes from the Moreland Avenue  entrance onto I-20). You know you want some fried green tomatoes!


Want even more asphalt? Stop just off the interstate in Greensboro, Ga., for some fast food. Take ya 60-90 minutes, depending on traffic.

9-ish - You're back in Augusta. Unpack your toiletries, leave the rest for tomorrow. Hope you had fun!

Now sleep. You have earned it.

Me: OMG, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? I MEAN, BESIDES THAT I CAN'T TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK ON THIS STUPID PHONE?

Amber: No, what?

Me: My imaginary boyfriend can now be gifted with the experience of dating me! I am so happy for him!

Amber: LOL! Hoorrraaaaay!