Monday, January 30, 2012
Things I will never do
So it's the end of the first month of the year, and I've realized that I will never keep a New Year's resolution. Apparently, neither will you. But that's okay. Because there are many things we'll never do in our lifetimes.
Things I will never do:
1....
Friday, January 27, 2012
What on earth is she learning in school?
I'm listening to a lecture by Lawrence Krauss, and Emmie has half an ear tuned in.
"Mama? Was Einstein real?"
"Yes, Einstein was a real theoretical physicist who did a lot of work that gave good knowledge to the world."
"... but den he turned...
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Rapper's delight... not so delightful
As I approached a group of acquaintances recently, I heard one say, "...beaten up and thrown in jail!"
I bounced up: "We can go toe-to-toe in the middle of a cell...!"
They turned and looked at me as if I had eight tentacles, all enthusiastically...
Monday, January 23, 2012
Appalachian Emergency Room, Part II
Occasionally I post a story about my sister's part-time gig at a natural foods store in North Georgia. This is another installment.
A woman in her 60s (we'll call her Nana) came into the store and asked for aloe vera. The store carries a number of...
Friday, January 20, 2012
Definitely related to me
Emmie and I are taking advantage of a gift card we had to Yumo, a sushi restaurant out in Evans. We are in high spirits, and she is cracking joke after joke.
"You are really on a roll, Emmie," I giggled.
"You mean a shushi roll?"
And then she laughed...
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Separate and not equal
I had some free rental codes to Redbox this weekend. I let Emerson pick a movie on Friday, and I picked one on Sunday. Apparently, my choice was not to her liking.
"But...! I wanted to pick da movie!"
"It's mommy's turn, sweetie."
Then she proceeded...
Friday, January 13, 2012
Teach math skills early
Emerson is mad because I put her to bed early.
"But I'm lonely."
"Yes, Emerson, a punishment is supposed to make you uncomfortable."
"Wull, dat's done. Can we stop now?"
"No. Go back to bed."
"But... why would you wanna mate me umcumpftorbul?"
"Because...
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Honesty suits her
I sent Emerson to bed early because the child cannot keep up with a single article of clothing unless it is stapled to her body. After having left her jacket and bookbag god-only-knows-where for the I-long-ago-lost-count-th time, I'd had enough.
But...
Monday, January 09, 2012
All Emerson wanted for Christmas was...
Emerson got almost everything she wanted for Christmas, except the iPad she desired so greatly. She'll have to make do with my iPod Touch until such time as pigs fly.
Conveniently for Learning Express Toys, however, Emerson's birthday is coming up...
Friday, January 06, 2012
Meeting madness
Me: So I spent all day yeterday thinking that I had missed an important meeting. I was trying to figure out what to do about it. Then, this morning, my boss asked me about it. I said I had nothing to update. Neutral, right? Turns out the meeting was...
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Monday, January 02, 2012
Loser choices for New Year's Eve
Me: I don't know what I'm going to do NYE. I'll be in Atlanta, I think.
Alice: Go to the Clermont Lounge. I'm sure it'll be kicking.
Me: That is the kind of thing one does with a group of drunks at 3 a.m. It's not fun before then. It's just sad.
Alice:...
