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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy Awkward New Year!

Wednesday, December 31, 2014 By

AUGUSTA, GA. - So, I'm going to a New Year's Eve party. My sweet friend invited me. I probably could have taken the initiative to make plans with a little more specificity, but that would require me to be, like, social, and stuff.

Hi. I'm awkward.

There are people in this world who seem to meld seamlessly into other people's lives. Friends, relatives, co-workers - they have a stable network of people who do stuff together and stick around for years. Platonic and romantic relationships move at a comfortable and natural pace.

Those people are like unicorns.

I have friends and relatives and co-workers who love me. They have stuck around for years. I know this. But melding seamlessly? Don't make me laugh. I was born with a giant shoehorn attached to my body. Doctors were baffled.

So I'm going to this New Year's Eve party with a very good friend. And I know many of the people who will be there. I have known them for years. YEARS. I like them very much! I'm 63 percent certain they like me, too!

It doesn't matter. I guarantee I will spend a measurable amount of time casting about for things to say and worrying about what to do with my hands. Hello, everyone, get out your inhalers! I am here to mess up your pleasant social encounter and make everyone feel like they're 14 and talking to their high school crush.


Wish me luck. And happy new year, everyone! I hope all your unicorn dreams come true!


  1. you'll be fabulous!!!! Because you are!