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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Baby Names are Awesome - Don't Worry About Yours as Much as I Did

Thursday, September 18, 2014 By

AUGUSTA, GA - I'm not pregnant. Let's just get that out of the way. But there are a LOT of new babies on my Facebook timeline.

They're all beautiful. But that started me thinking about babies. I love babies. I would have had a dozen, if it had been feasible.

Sometimes, though, a baby's name catches my eye. And I'm not judging anyone on their choice of names. But I'll tell you my philosophy of naming Emerson: Neutrality.

Now, I LOVE the name Emerson. But in the rat race, where you're competing against everyone and their grandma for a job pool that is shrinking at incredible speeds, I want Emerson to have every fighting chance. That started with her name.

In a world where men are considered more capable, a name means a lot. A feminine name like Rose or Hannah may sound pretty and romantic. But would it have given her the edge she needed with a hiring manager who has been culturally brainwashed? No. That meant the girly names that I loved - Tallulah, Clementine, and Hazel - were out.

And in a world where the lighter your skin, the smarter people think you are, a name can have an impact. I have a friend who named her daughter Ebony. Her daughter is intelligent and capable. "Yeah, but I worry about her name, now. I should have named her Steve," she lamented to me. And she has an unfortunate point. That meant that the more "ethnic sounding" names that I loved - Tova, Sarita, and Aloka - were also out.

And before you say, "Wow, overthink much?" Let me tell you that research has shown those concerns to be valid.

After some time (8.75 months, to be exact), I settled on Emerson. And it has always fit her. But if I had more children, what other gender-neutral, ethnically ambiguous names would be appropriate choices?

Well, you're in luck, LOL! Because I prepared a list of names that would be under consideration.

  • Dylan (not high on the list, due to its 90210 connotations)
  • Beckett
  • Campbell
  • Archer
  • Emory
  • Finley ("Fin" is such a cute name)
  • Avery 
  • Sawyer
  • Elliot
  • Carter
  • Alex
  • Devin
  • Drew
  • Darcy

Whatever your baby's name - be it Ebony, Ivory, Bob, or Dick - here's hoping the rest of the world doesn't judge him or her before they get acquainted. Rock that name, and don't apologize for it.

Unless you are the woman who wanted to name her child Budz Kronic. You definitely owe your child an apology.

SIDE NOTE: Someone told me that I can't write about baby names because of reasons. Reasons they had, but couldn't articulate. Someone can go jump in a lake. This is my blog, and I will write about whatever I darn well please. Nyah. Next up: "How to Tell if Your Maturity is Lagging Behind Other 40-Year-Olds." Hint: Yes. Mine is.


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