Momnesia

Twitter Round-up

Some folks don't do Twitter - but that's where I do some of my best work! Or, as Alice Wynn says, where I tell my best "Popsicle stick jokes."

Oct. 28
@natinde Thought you'd like to know that Emmie finally named her stuffed elephant today. And she shall call her... Margaret. #parenting

"Ooooh, sorry, Doodle! Mommy doesn't have very good aim." "Owwww! You should really practice!" # parenting # fail

Oh, wow, the temperature outside is fabulous! I love #fall! #weather

NO, #Microsoft Word thesaurus, "navigate" is NOT a synonym for "navigated." Useless piece of... #MSOffice #work

Wrap dresses are very forgiving - thanks @DianeVFSales! - until your boss buys an enormous lunch for everyone, including FOUR desserts! #WLS

Wrap dresses are also very forgiving until the wind blows. #DVF #fashion #OopsMyBad

This video from @TMZ wouldn't really be funny except... Elvis?! tinyurl.com/3kh7qf7 #Usher #TMZ

But, @UsherReal, you really shouldn't be parking in a handicapped space if you don't need one. #Usher #TMZ

My daughter has taken up #planking. On me. Argh, scoot over, child! #sleep #parenting


Oct. 29
Okay, for real this time, we're headed to Kackleberry Farms in Louisville, Ga. Thanks again, @LindseyThetford! #parenting #Halloween

Last day to pick up ingredients for #Halloween drink recipes from Cheers Wine & Beverage: tinyurl.com/3noxcvz #dining #beverages

Random thought: Am I the only person who would kind of LIKE a sequel to "Love, Actually?" #movies #Liam Neeson #Emma Thompson #Alan Rickman

Oct. 30
So, I'm not allowed to throw the axes at #Kackleberry Farms anymore... #parenting #OopsMyBad

Rubbing my hands together to warm them. Emmie: "Be careful. You might start a fire wif doze." Guess I need moisturizer. #parenting

Not happy to be up sick for three hours, but I've been kept company by an #owl declaring his #eternal yes! And a spoon, please...

Awake with a stomachache. Maybe I am of an age where hot sauce and onions don't mix. #Tums

Here, #Kanye and #Jay-Z, is HOW IT'S DONE: tinyurl.com/b8dwpp. Or, in a pinch, this will do: tinyurl.com/3smo747 #music #otis redding

#Kanye and #Jay-Z now on my "poo list" for murdering one of my fave songs, #Otis Redding's "Try a Little Tenderness." Blasphemy! #music


Oct. 31
Em: What are you s'posed ta be? Kid: A gangster. Em: Wull, you diddin gank me!

"Dog on LSD hit by car." Um... what? Come on, idiots, don't force your poor life choices onto your DOG. tinyurl.com/3l3qmb9

Seven billion people in the world. What number are you? tinyurl.com/3gj9qh5 #population #sustainability #BBC

Oh, dentists, Y U MAKE MY JOB HARDER?! tinyurl.com/5ttj3ax #parenting #dentistry #Halloween


Nov. 1
Emerson just whispered "trick or treeeaaat" in her sleep right in my ear. Heart still pounding. Creepiest sound ever. #Halloween #parenting

My friend wanted to rock Halloween for neighborhood kids. She bought 100 full-size candy bars to hand out. This morning, she has 99 left.

She may actually have 100 candy bars left, but I figure she ate one eventually... #Halloween

Nov. 2
Captain Obvious says: Maybe if you're pushing an infant in a stroller across a busy road, you should use a crosswalk. #parenting

Yes, I sometimes let my first-grader do her homework with a pen. Some moms just want to watch the world burn. #parenting #CantFindaPencil

"@nytimes: $25 and Under: Airy Macarons nyti.ms/uRdt1Y" Will everyone in NYC shut up about macaroons? They're no big deal! #food #dining

Hello, Paycheck! Oh, Bills, I didn't see you sitting there... goodbye, Paycheck. #finance



Nov. 3
Thanks to the little twerp who "found" my daughter's coat the very first day she wore it. Enjoy it. #TeachYourChildrenRight #parenting

TIL that rubbing alcohol erases Sharpie from Mario Kart for the Wii. That's $49.95 Santa Claus didn't have to spend this year. #parenting

I just tried to say "See you later" to my boss, and complete gobbledegook came out of my mouth. Is my tongue paralyzed?! #work

Woman at the bus stop covered in baby powder - or is it? #PeopleAreStrange


Nov. 4
Also, how does one keep a child from misplacing her "glubbs" every other day? Staple them to her hands? #parenting #help

Um, heh... Apologies to the "little twerp who 'borrowed' my daughter's coat." Seems it was in the classroom the whole time. #parenting #fail

Big meeting this morning. Couldn't find my eyeliner, but I had a Sharpie! Not Bad. #fashion #beauty

I think the cashiers here are all asleep. #Walmart

My child is so flippin' special that she got TWO costumes for #Halloween this year. [facepalm] tinyurl.com/3drggpr #parenting