Friday, November 26, 2010
My Sister is Insane
Emmie is watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when a giant float goes by: "LOOK! Ders da Wimpy Kid!"
"Yeah, Em. Do you like him?"
"No," she sighed. "He has diarrhea."
"... What?"
"He has diarrhea."
"What are you talking about?"
"Diarrhea...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!
"Mom?" Emmie says. "Do you miss da Native Amer-cans?"
Man, it is too early in the morning for this stuff. I am standing in the bedroom with one leg in my tights and one leg out. I have no idea what kind of stories the Richmond County School System...
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Notes from Anthony Bourdain's Atlanta show
Eat at Fat Mac's Rib Shack in Atlanta
Eat at St. John in London
Drunken Emory students, please shut up
Q&A session needs better questions
Ted Nugent's appearances on his show gets him the most hate mail
His wife, who is Italian, finds...
Friday, November 19, 2010
We'll start saving for tutors immediately
We're settling a vehicle seating dispute. There are two car seats that are exactly the same, but one is preferred over the other. It is "the big kid" seat, according to Emerson and Zequan.
"Okay, I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. What is...
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
And one for my mom...
Text from C.B.: "Was good seeing you for that split second today. You had us worried a few weeks back."
Text from me: "My mother's been worried for years. She never figured out what's wrong with me, either."
C.B.: "There are some mysteries that last...
Monday, November 15, 2010
Halloween costumes are getting inappropriate
I am rarely truly outraged.
(We interrupt this post for a message from Stacey's subconscious: Oh, snap, y'all! Bigmouth is about to go off on something. Here's a hint: It's gonna take awhile. You know she's gonna have to have three examples for everything,...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Google me this, Batman...
So, you're smart enough to post an ad with photos on Craigslist, but you're not smart enough to spell "mirror" and "chest of drawers?" FYI, it is not - nor has it ever been - "mirrow" and "chester draws."
Get the <a href="http://www.widgetbox.com/widget/shoutlist-icons">Shout...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Well, there's a future option...
I'm on the phone with a girlfriend when Scott calls my cell with an alternate plan for the evening.
"That's cool," I tell him. "Whatever you want to do is fine."
"See?" K.J. says, when I hang up. "You're so supportive. I wish you and I were married."
"Me,...
Monday, November 08, 2010
Economics 101: FAIL
"Mama!" Emmie comes running in. "I jus' heard on da TB dat you can get pizza and 50 tokens! Iss a coupon! For twenny dollars!"
"Oh, at Chuck E. Cheese?"
"Yes! But I gotta idea. We can jus' get ONE dollar, wif a TWENNY on it!"
Good thinking. Just...
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Because it's her world, we just live in it
Emmie is crying right now.
"But why is it in ATLANTAAAAAA," she wails.
I can't answer her, because I'm trying to keep my laughter to myself. It's a ridiculous outburst brought on by a weekend of art openings, late-night movies, all-day Putt-Putt adventures,...
Friday, November 05, 2010
What the heck happened?
The migraine was not a big deal. Usually when I get a migraine at night, I can just pop a decongestant and go to sleep. When I wake up, almost all better. But this one was different. I woke to a thousand dwarfs pounding bricks into my skull. Bricks...
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Giving my sister a hard time
My sister, Kelli, is a very loving aunt. She gets really excited about stuff like Halloween. Unfortunately, she lives four hours away. So she depends on photos and phone calls to stay in touch. Emmie and Zequan were going to trick-or-treat as Lady Gaga...
Monday, November 01, 2010
They grow up so fast...
We're walking back from a meeting when a co-worker asks me about Emmie.
"She's doing great, thanks."
"And how is kindergarten? Is she enjoying it?"
"Most days. We just got her report card, and she got all Meets Expectations... the problem is that...
