Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Buying a Car
I hate car dealerships, and it's not for the reason you might think. It's because they're dishonest.
Oh, maybe that is the reason you think.
My husband and I sat at a table trying to negotiate the purchase of a certified pre-owned vehicle with a warranty....
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Just... No.
No, Classmates.com, I don't want to see the two people who signed my guestbook. First, because I think it was probably your webmaster, and your sales manager. And, second, because if any of my old classmates wanted to get in touch with me, they could...
Monday, June 28, 2010
Son of a Beach...
Emmie's been gone to the beach for three days, and I've already called seven times - not to mention the texts I've sent my sister. She won't be back for two weeks, and I'm losing my mind. I managed to wait until noon on the fourth day to call - a record...
Saturday, June 26, 2010
PR Queen from the Start
We’re enjoying dinner at a local hibachi restaurant. Emmie loves this place because of “da ninja chefs.” She’s clearly anticipating the show, but upon my request, she dutifully slurps her bowl of soup. Her eyebrows rise.
“Dis is some good soop,” she...
Friday, June 25, 2010
How Facebook Has Changed My Life
1. Increased (not improved) Punctuation - Facebook has increased the English language's daily quotient of punctuation. Whereas e.e. cummings (despite the two periods in his name) and his poetic ilk tried to do away with it, FB brought back the exclamation...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Ground Cover and Lantern Light
I have no one to blame but myself.
"Let's go right now!" Scott exclaimed, when he opened his Father's Day gift a day early. It was a 3-person tent, for family vacations. We all love camping... most of the time.
"Sure!" I answered, brightly, faking...
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Wolf Pack
I'm getting out of my car at a gas station downtown, when my skirt hikes up a couple of inches. Thanks, booty-licious. Of course, a crowd of coverall-clad construction workers/house painters are milling around nearby.
"Woo!" they start. "Yeah! Alright!"
I...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I Didn't; But I Thought About it.
Scott dropped Emmie by the office at 5 p.m., on his way to cover a meeting of the Augusta Commission. Em was excited to be in a new place, but determined to make continuous noise, rifle through things she shouldn't touch, and generally keep me from...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Mad Isn't Bad
Emerson is distraught. Tears course down her cheeks. Her eyes squinch in misery. Her mouth wrenches open in a plaintive wail. My eardrums burst.
"My life is ruiiiiiiiinnned! Dis is da wors' day EBBER!"
"I'm sorry, but it's too late to play with ZeQuan,"...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Just Desserts
I'm at Earth Fare, getting Scott his celebratory creme brulee."Now, it doesn't have the crust on it," the lady says to me. "Is that okay?"I stare. "Well, then, it's just pudding, isn't it?"She blinks back at me. "So do you want me to fire it?""Yes,...
Friday, June 18, 2010
It's Time To Get Her a REAL Watch
"Mama!" Emmie runs into the living room. "My ibbissible watch is pointing to sea monkeys! Dat means iss time ta make da SEA MONKEYS!"
"Well, MY invisible watch says it's late, and we're going to make sea monkeys tomorrow," I retort.
She looks at my...
Thursday, June 17, 2010
BFBFF
I had the chance to meet a couple of Facebook friends in REAL LIFE recently. "Real life?" What's that? At my last job, I worked so much that I forgot what people looked like face-to-face! So it was quite a shock to run into Sarah Harper Scott and Mary...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Fastest Insult Known to Man
Hearing a voice, Emmie runs into the kitchen excitedly.
"Oh," she says, upon seeing her father. "I thought there was a guy in here."
"Hey," Scott protests. "I'm a guy! And I'm in here!"
She shrugs. "No."
And trots away.
Get the <a...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Dizzy Gillespie she ain't...
Augusta, GA. - Emmie is trying to blow up some balloons, and having a really hard time of it. Suddenly, the balloon gets the best of her. The air pressure reverses, inflating her cheeks.
She frowns, and slowly removes the balloon from her mouth.
"I...
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I Should Just Stop Talking
Augusta, GA. - Emmie and I had just arrived at the club pool, when we saw a small dead bird on the ground, near the rocks. She gasped, hand over heart, and looked at me with enormous, sad eyes.
"Mama! What happen to da bird?"
"He died, sweetie." I...
Friday, June 11, 2010
Pray that you don't get hooked!
Augusta, GA. - One of the things I love about living on the South side - besides the inevitable "SouthSIDE" people like to holler (seriously, that never gets old), and the fact that we have our own theme song - is the entrepreneurial spirit evident...
That's what happens when Paula Deen blows up
"Mama, why you stabbeend dose botatoes?"
"If you don't poke holes, they'll blow up in the microwave."
"Why don' you want dem to blow up?"
"Why would you want them to blow up?"
"So it would rain botato salad."
"That is a fantastic idea."
Get the...
Iron Chef... Harlem?
Augusta, Ga./Harlem, Ga. - I got us into it. "Anytime you need us," I said to Lee Ann at Red Oak Manor in Harlem about their Iron Chef competition.
It's a beautiful place, run by beautiful people. The food is good, the property gorgeous. And did...
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Found Dog! Please Call!
Scott found this older male Beagle wandering in the middle of Peach Orchard Rd. Please call us if you recognize him!
UPDATE: While we didn't find this sweet older dog's family, despite going door to door in his suspected neighborhood, we did find him...
