Friday, December 28, 2007
Taking a Sick Day
Emmie is sick. Sort of. She has that rotavirus thing that everyone has been passing around. She's been pooping like a dysentery patient since two days before Christmas. But despite the fact that she hasn't eaten a full meal in almost a week and has...
Where It's At
"I really like this watch," A.C. said. "See how silly I get when I have a gift card?""It is very cool," I hedge. "But it also has a lot of parts that will get broken off."She stares at the screen, rather petulantly."But it has TWO turntables!" A.C....
Monday, December 24, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
This is Called Listening Under the Influence. In Short, Be Aware of the Unintentional Side Effects of Geritol Overuse. And Get Help if You Need it.
AUGUSTA, GA. - Holiday sales might be depressing, but it's no blue Christmas for Josh Groban. His album, "Noël" claimed an unprecedented fourth straight week at number one, a feat never before accomplished by a holiday album. Elvis Presley set the previous...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
"Don't Tase Me, Bro" tops '07 memorable quote list
By Arthur Spiegelman Wed Dec 19, 8:39 AM ETLOS ANGELES (Reuters) - "Don't Tase Me, Bro," a phrase that swept the nation after a U.S. college student used it seeking to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech by Sen. John Kerry, was named...
Oh, English Degree, Where Art Thou?
Why a college degree is not necessary to work in journalism:A.W.: "Is Spongebob one word? Does anybody know?"A.C.: "It is. So it Squarepants."Higher education at work, folks. With this level of intelligence, we'll all soon be living in pineapples under...
Holiday Gift Idea
"Next, put your junk in that box..."Sorry, Fraendy Clervaud! But Jim Christian out-funnies most mortals.And you have excited his wrath.Hee. I said "excited...
Monday, December 17, 2007
THIS is a Real Advice Columnist
I don't know if it's really too much to ask that advice columnists try to impart wisdom and humor, but I ask it anyway. I wish we had more writers who met this standar...
In Odd News...
Kiroloss Francis, 22, of Augusta, Ga., pleaded responsible for wasting finite resources and was fined $37.What the hell does that even mea...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
War on Christmas? Sounds Like a Crusade
The Aiken Standard's publisher's granddaughter must have written this P.O.S., because there's no way that anyone else would have been able to publish something so obviously biased... right? Anyone? Bueller?"The fear of offending someone by referring...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Overheard in New York... Six years Ago
From OverheardinNewYork.comTourist kid: Look! The Empire State Building!Tourist mom: Where? I don't see it.tourist kid: The big, pointy one!Tourist mom: Oooh, let's take a picture!Passerby: That's the Chrysler Building, you fucks.Yeah. That would seem...
Angel, We Have Heard on High
"Hey, I was going through a pile of laundry and guess what I found?" A.W. asks me.God, there's no telling. Cat poop? Diamonds? Jimmy Hoffa?"What?" I ask warily."Your suitcase!" she laughs. "I swear I''ll get it back to you one day.Dude, I loaned that...
Friday, December 07, 2007
Stupid Quote of the Day (Even Though I Only Post About One a Month)
"New York Voices takes disciplined uninhibited singing to a new higher level of disjointed unity."-- Reno Gazette Journaldisciplined uninhibited?disjointed unity?eschew obfuscatio...
The Stella Awards
When you get that Jury Duty notice in the mail, think about this before you try to get out of it. Remember that the biggest strength and weakness of our legal system is the "Jury of Your Peers"; if you get called upon for Jury Duty please do your part...
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Who knew they cared so much?
WWF Says Warming Puts Amazon at RiskIt's nice to see professional wrestlers taking an interest in the environmen...
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
These Guys COULD Have Had a V8, But Instead They Had Some Bacon
The website says: "Our mission in life is to make everything taste like real, delicious bacon, without the fat or calories. You can contribute to this cause by making a purchase below. Choose from 3 bacon-filled flavors – Original, Hickory and Peppered...
Gum is Not Enough to Clean a Dirty Mouth
So I finally got my Buzz kit in the mail, with the new Sonicare UV Sanitizer in it. For someone who can't sweep a floor, I was ridiculously excited to have a cleaning tool. Then again, I don't brush my teeth with the hardwood. So whatever dirt the dogs...
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Still Life With Toddler
Emerson is being a turd tonight. She is just refusing to go to sleep.
"I wan' new boot," she says, after four books have already been tossed aside.
"Honey, we've already read four books - that's two more than usual. Now it's time to go sleepies," I...
I Forgot: Add 'Gin and Juice' to the List
So I wrapped up some work stuff during which I finished laying out the calendar pages but did not touch any of the extra administrative stuff that is very much sitting on the side of my desk chucking spitballs at me at regular intervals. I call Scott."Hey,...
