Momnesia

More Cowbell

I'm sure everyone is familiar with how disorganized and pretentious any local music scene can be. I spent a couple of years in Athens, second only to Austin in prestige on the college rock scene, and it's not much better than other places. Some talent, but it all fades away when graduation rolls around, you know?

For some reason, the Augusta scene attracts a lot of goth-y bands. Maybe it's that the only all-ages venue, Sector 7G, is a post-punk oasis of underage piercings. Maybe that is the scene here. But the more goth a band gets, the more obnoxious their names are.

"What is it with these bands around here?" I snap at our copy editor. "Why don't they just name themselves Black Black Blaaaaack?"
She laughs at me.
"Or, like, Wellbutrin Nation, since Prozac's already taken," I continue, irritatedly.
"Also, I don't know why they have to be a mile long. I can hardly fit them in the listings," she says.

Seriously, what happened to simple "The" - somethings? The Shins, The Killers, The Replacements, The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds... oh, nevermind. Instead, we get shit names like By the Sins Fell Angels. There's probably a parenthetical phrase after that continues on for another couple of sentences. Good luck fitting it all on a CD cover.

"Whatever," I snark. "They should just name themselves 'Zoloft.'"
She laughs in agreement.
"Oh! Or 'Zoloft the Conquerer!' That would be awesome!"

HUGE IN BELGIUM! The copy editor alerted me to yet another dumbass band name: Through the Eyes of the Dead. That doesn't make sense, first of all. Second of all, their acronym would be "TED," which is a way more humorous and "emo" band name than the one they're currently sporting. Third, all the eyes of the dead see are the inside of their coffins - and eventually worms and maggots.

AND IN KYRGYZSTAN! Another stupid local band name is Challenge Theory. What theory challenges them? Could it be the theory of evolution? It sounds like a bunch of knuckle-dragging frat boys got together, inspired by the god-forsaken legacy of Hootie & the Blowfish (now with more tasty Blowfish goodness!), and between bong hits said, "Duuuuuuude! We could totally rock if we were in a band!" And now they are. Hooray for us.