Re-launched, but still slightly under construction. :-)

Monday, January 19, 2004

Am I On Candid Camera?

Me: Hi! I'm Stacey, and I'll be taking care of you today. What can I get you to drink?
Guy: Whatchoo got?
Me: We have Coke products - Coke, Diet Coke, Pink Lemonade, Root Beer, Mr. Pibb, and Sprite - sweet and unsweet tea, coffee, and a full bar.
Guy: You ain't got no Mountain Dew?
Me (Did I SAY Mountain Dew?): No, sir. We don't carry Pepsi products.
Guy: Why not?
Me (Who cares?): I don't know.
There is a moment of silence as he looks at me. Does he want me to make something up?
Guy: Will you go find out?
Me (What?): Sure. Can I grab you something to drink while I do?
Guy: No. We'll wait.
Oooookay. I walk in the kitchen, put some bread in the oven, restock the soup, and walk back out to the table.
Me: Apparently, Coke offers a better contract.
Guy: How much better?
Me (I DON'T KNOW! I MADE IT ALL UP! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK IDIOT?!): I don't know. It's a corporate contract. The individual restaurants aren't involved in the decision-making process.
Guy: Oh. Man, I really want Mountain Dew.
Me: I know, right? I wish we had it, too.
Guy: Do you have Mello Yello?
Me (Did I SAY Mello Yello?): No, sir.
Guy: But that's a Coke product. You said you have Coke products.
Me: Yes, sir. I did. But we don't have all of them. We don't have Dasani water, and it's a Coke product.
Guy: Hm. Well, I guess we'll just have two sweet teas.
Me (Finally!): Great. I'll be right back, and I'll bring some bread.
Returning, I put the teas and bread on the table. They've had enough time to memorize the menus, so I hope we can get this show on the road. I want to get them out of here.
Me: Now, do you have any questions about the menu?
They both look at each other and shake their heads.
Guy: No. We're ready.
Me: Great! What looks good to you today?
Guy:Whatchoo got?
There is a moment of silence as I stop and look up at them. What does he mean?
Me: Um, well, our soup of the day is chicken and wild rice, our catch of the day is halibut, and our featured item is our 22 oz. porterhouse. I recommend it with a sweet potato.
Guy: What else you got?

Weeeellll, why don't you READ THE MENU!


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