Momnesia

How do moms do it? I’ll tell you exactly how. But it will look funny because I don’t know how to format indentations:

1) You kind of have no choice. You might think of selling your screaming child to a passing band of gypsies, but
a) those passing bands are few and far between
b) that’s why nature invented Mommy Guilt
c) You really do love your screaming child
2) You cut corners where you can
a) screw the housecleaning (until today, when my sister will be here)
b) screw the environment (use paper plates and plastic utensils)
c) screw cooking (those new box mix dinners are really not bad, especially the ones in the Asian foods section)
d) Right now, she’s sitting in her car seat with her bottle balanced on a blanket in her lap because I’m tired of feeding her. Is it a recommended feeding method? No. Is she quiet, safe, and is she eating? Yes.
3) You pick your battles
a) the dog is licking the baby’s face. She likes it. I let it go. Plus it conveniently cleans the formula off her.
b) is it worth Scott stomping around the house all morning after you make him get up with the baby at 4 a.m., or can you manage it yourself and take a nap later to avoid the drama?
c) The crib sheets still aren’t dry, and it’s time for her to go to bed. Does she really need sheets? She doesn’t even know what sheets are. Check that off your list of concerns and put a big towel down.
4) You figure out what works for your child. This takes time, but unless you completely ignore your baby all day, it’s inevitable.
5) You sing. A lot.
6) Babies are funny. It’s like having a free comedy show every day.
a) Emerson can roll over onto her tummy, but she can’t get back yet. It frustrates her to no end. That’s funny.
b) She has little baby-talk conversations with her toys. I don’t know what they say to her, but she finds it fascinating... and then she tries to eat them.
c) she tries to sing, but she only knows one note and no words unless you count “ayayayaya” and “nnngah”
d) we have probably $500 worth of toys in her room, but nothing entertains her more than a good old Sharpie pen or a crumpled piece of newspaper.
e) She’s still learning how her hands and mouth work, and she spends a lot of time with a hand in her mouth, biting it and feeling her tongue. Sometimes she gets excited about some new hand/mouth realization, shoves her hand too far into her mouth, and gags herself. Then she takes her hand out and looks at it in surprise.
f) She dreams. She laughs, smiles, cries, and makes sucking noises in her sleep. I always wonder what it’s about. Probably a beautiful land where the sky rains formula, and there are lakes, rivers, and oceans of formula.
g) She tries to eat my nose.
h) She hasn't grown much hair yet on her big ol' round punkin' head, and she bears a striking resmblance to Mr. Magoo.
7) Baths. Baths soothe almost any hysterical, crying baby.
8) Each new thing makes the old, annoying things worth any amount of trouble.
a) at my parents’ house this week, she held her arms up to me for the first time.
b) she hates hats, and when I put one on her at my nephew’s rather sunny baseball game, she tore it off her head (in a rare display of complete manual control), threw it on the ground, and screamed, “Yaaaaaaa!” before smiling sweetly at me and laughing.
9) Naptime
10) Grandparents
11 - 20 are also grandparents.
And that’s how it’s done.