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Friday, October 14, 2011

Things I Will Do After the Rapture/Apocalypse - Local Edition

So it seems that Harold Camping, who declared the rapture was coming back in May, has moved it to Oct. 21. Let's face it: I'll probably still be stuck here on earth with some really fun but spiritually bankrupt people. So I'm revisiting the things I would like to do after the second coming. Here's the local wish list. I'll follow up with national and international editions. In the meantime, I'm off to stock up on supplies. Does anyone know how long penicillin will keep?

Ahhh! Where is everybody?!

After the rapture, these are my plans, in no particular order:

Say, "Wow, was I ever wrong."

Go-kart the Greeneway.

Host a sock hop at the Sno-Cap Drive-in. Win ALL the dance prizes.

Show "The Life of Brian" at the Big Mo.

Steal a tank from Fort Gordon and use it to drive over abandoned cars at Wal-Mart.

Move into Port Royal's penthouse. Skip the elevators and rappel down the side of the building each morning.

Help myself to whatever I darn well please at Takosushi, Bistro 491, Manuel's, and Cheers! Wine & Beverage. Leave a generous tip anyway.

Play the Augusta National - with a pitching machine. Cool off in Ike's Pond after a hard day on the course. Make myself a bouquet of azaleas.

Drive my tank over the guardhouse in Westlake. Avail myself of the neighborhood's amenities.

Windsor Jewelers - you are mine!

Play with all the goodies at Learning Express Toys.

Raid the studios of Philip Morseberger, Tom Nakashima, Leonard Zimmerman, Kathy Girdler-Englar, Troy Campbell, Raul Pacheco, and Shishir Chokshi. I'm leaving out some folks, but - trust me - I'll be in ur studio, stealin ur artworks.

Submit ALL the entries to The Metro Spirit's Whine Line.

Gavel myself down at the Augusta Commission meetings.

Lace Regency Mall with C4 and blow that mutha up.

Always look on the bright side of life!


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