Momnesia

I Always Owe Someone An Apology

A -

I hope you had a great time on your trip, and that you ate a ton of cheese in France. I hope you ate so much that you don't poop for a long time 'cause I just bet when you finally do poop you will think: "Whatever. French cheese is totally worth it."

Scott informed me that I owe you an apology, because I was unforgivably rude. At first I thought, “Apology? No way!” But when he put it like that I thought, “Oh,” and then, “God! Why do people let me be an asshole and then continue to speak to me?” So I am very, very sorry.

When I opened the envelope and found money – which you totally knew I would not accept and thus the ruse about the note embarrassing you – it was like the money sucked the goodness out of me. On the other hand, I would also like to compliment you and Will for not falling for my trick that you should drop back by my apt. to get the movie, because I was totally going to slip the money into the DVD case. So, well played, Bryant family. Well played, indeed.

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Hi dear Stacey -

You shouldn't feel so bad. I knew you wouldn't take the money if I gave it to you
outright. Anyway, regardless of the money, you guys are doing us
such a huge favor. You still have your goodness!

I'd like to come by sometime to give back your camera and tell you all
about my trip. Thanks so much for letting me use that camera - I really loved it. Maybe I'll hang out at [restaurant name deleted] and see if I can snag one.

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A -

Okay, I stole the camera from [completely different restaurant name deleted] and I was very, very (very) drunk. Apparently, Scott and I made out fabulously in this very public place. I am not sure, but I think at one point I ended up ON the bar. Even more for shame, it was not the first time I had ended up on top of the bar at this place. Whats-his-name in the [college class I T.A.'d] allegedly came in one night and witnessed my antics the very day before class started. I carried so much credibility that semester after he told everybody what a drunk hoochie I am.

Mom was giving us props for encouraging each other to go out with friends and to have “me” time: “It shows that you have trust in each other,” she said. I was like, “Please, it's not even possible for one of us to cheat. There’s no one in Augusta that either Scott or I have not dated. We’ve exhausted all of our options.”