Momnesia

Why is this so hard?

Scott’s parents stopped by the house while Erick and Becky were over with their son, Sammy. We were very happy to have some adult conversation. I didn’t realize how much until his parents offered to take Emerson for the night and Scott agreed.

I gave him a look that said, “How could you let them take her?” I mean, when she’s only a month old it just seemed - I don’t know... callous? Besides, I’d just spent my entire Saturday afternoon at work, and wasn’t able to spend time with them. He saw my face, and immediately retracted. But his mother was so disappointed, and Scott suddenly looked so tired and frazzled, that I realized he must really need a break.

Patsy and Jim wanted to make sure I was “comfortable” with them taking the baby. Of course I am. I married one of her five great kids, so I obviously have some confidence in her abilities to care for children. But there’s this noise Emerson makes when she’s eating, and another she makes when she’s settling comfortably into your arms to sleep, that just kill me.

I look forward to the 4 a.m. feedings because small things like make the hour and the loss of sleep well worth it. And she’s getting so much more alert and responsive every day. Yesterday she laid in her crib and watched her mobile for 10 minutes. That’s a long time for her, and she wasn’t just staring up. She was able to single out an animal and follow it with her eyes, turn her head when it moved out of her field of vision...

These things Scott sees all the time. And while I know it’s very stressful to be at home with a child all day, and I would be working no matter what (well, unless we were fabulously wealthy, in which case I’d just spend my time traveling and taking classes), I envy him the time he spends at home.

I overheard him last night telling Erick and Becky that I was itching to get back to work. Not true. I wanted my full 6 weeks maternity leave. But they were trying to reduce my position to part-time while I was on leave, so I HAD to go back to protect our income. I mean, it’s all well and good if I get to stay home with Emerson, but not if we have nothing to feed her.