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Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Travelin' Gypsy All-night Birthday Party

I attended the Travelin' Gypsy All-night Birthday Party for a friend of mine. I spent the entire evening putting out fires and trying not to put myself out into traffic. At some point, the birthday boy and I spent about an hour outside a late-night bar half screaming at each other because he was running around acting the fool. He's like a two-year-old. I always want to smack him upside the head and say, "Use your words!" He did, at one point, use his words to say, "I don't have any friends," which apparently meant that I was getting full-body frostbite for absolutely nothing. The next day, I wrote a one-act play about it. Here is a sample of the dramatic monologue I perform at the climax of the action.

An excerpt from "Jesus Christ, Will Everyone Please Just Shut the Hell Up?"

No, Katie, Mike really does love you.

I think you've had enough to drink, Tommy.

Yes, Mike, Katie really does love you.

No, Jonathan, Cherie really does love you... well, okay, maybe you shouldn't have slept with Rebecca. No, wait, come back, I'm sorry!

I think you've had enough to drink, Tommy.

Okay, random bar person, you need to get your hand off my ass. Wait: what’s your name? Hey, Brian.

No, Tommy, don't hit him. No, Brian, don't hit Tommy.

Hey, new hottie at work, how are you? No, Tommy, don't hit the new guy.

Here, Jonathan have a Kleenex. You need to tell Cherie how you feel. Well, she's already not speaking to you, how much worse could it get? No, wait, come back, I'm sorry!

No, Katie, don't leave. Mike really does love you."

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