Momnesia

This is a story about how I can make any bad situation EVEN WORSE NO KIDDING DO NOT COME TO ME FOR COMFORT. You will only suffer more. My friend, Lance, died this week. His wife, Sarah, has been taking it hard. I wanted to be there for her at the memorial...

I'm on the phone with my mother, who mentions that she is on her way to the outlet stores, and can she buy my some underwear? Me: Heck, yeah: bras. Mom: What kind? Me: Um, the bra kind? Mom: Noooo. Do you want cotton? Satin? Lace? Leather? Me (chortling...

Long ago, in a restaurant far away... Carol and I are bartending. We have a friendly, rivalrous banter going on. It keeps us occupied, mentally, while working. I love Carol to death. Today, the beer cooler is broken. It annoys our guests, but they're...

The phone rings.Carol: Hey, it's Carol.Me: Hey! How are you?Carol: Well, I'm - I'm not calling under good circumstances.Me: Oh. Okay. What's up?Carol: We're just calling everyone who were friends. But... last night... Lance passed away last night. There...

At garden reception, Scott, Dwayne, and I are standing by the Rose Garden. Along comes these two adorable little girls, pushing a metal cart to their parents' barbecue stand. We all grin as they run past, gleefully unaware that what they're doing is...