Thursday, June 05, 2008
Get Out Your Rolling Papers...
... here come the Doobie Brothers.
So Payback: Celebrate James Brown was a few weeks ago, and my camera had almost no battery life left in it. Also, the day had almost no light left in it. So these photos suck. But only about 2,000 people showed up anyway. Here are some photos.
As soon as "Blackwater" came on, Emmie took off (with me in hot pursuit), ran down to the front, climbed up on the barrier, raised her tiny fist in the air and shrieked "WOOOOOOOO!" Give that girl a Rebel Flag bikini and a beer bottle, and I think it's done time we married her off, Paw.
These folks were grooving. It was... groovy. And stuff.
Some people couldn't be bothered to pay actual money to see the show. These people are what we like to refer to as "cheap bastards." Apparently, when paying back James Brown, they could only find old chewing gum wrappers and coupons to Putt-Putt.
So Payback: Celebrate James Brown was a few weeks ago, and my camera had almost no battery life left in it. Also, the day had almost no light left in it. So these photos suck. But only about 2,000 people showed up anyway. Here are some photos.
As soon as "Blackwater" came on, Emmie took off (with me in hot pursuit), ran down to the front, climbed up on the barrier, raised her tiny fist in the air and shrieked "WOOOOOOOO!" Give that girl a Rebel Flag bikini and a beer bottle, and I think it's done time we married her off, Paw.
These folks were grooving. It was... groovy. And stuff.
Some people couldn't be bothered to pay actual money to see the show. These people are what we like to refer to as "cheap bastards." Apparently, when paying back James Brown, they could only find old chewing gum wrappers and coupons to Putt-Putt.
Stupid Pamphlet Ideas
AUGUSTA, GA. - Look, large crowds are going to bring out the nutcases. And nutcases, as we all know, are often laden with the crazy-papers, better known as pamphlets, leaflets, or Bible tracts. These are frequently left on tables as tips for servers who don't understand why every cent that a true believer makes must be put into the cause, even to the detriment of the beer money for other people.
But at First Friday in March, I got a pamplet that proves that the pamphlet industry has become far too competitive. Apprently al of the Anti-Abortion, Pro-Death Penalty and Try Our Chicken Wings They're the Breast in Town manners of mental littering were currently unavailable on the field of play. Enter the second string, which brought forth a call from Jebus himself: "Just for you: Dealing With Foul Language" sayeth the Lawd.
This pull-quote box really sums up the entire reason to waste this defenseless piece of paper: "Only God can clean up your speech," it says. Because free will apparently has fudge-all to do with it.
But at First Friday in March, I got a pamplet that proves that the pamphlet industry has become far too competitive. Apprently al of the Anti-Abortion, Pro-Death Penalty and Try Our Chicken Wings They're the Breast in Town manners of mental littering were currently unavailable on the field of play. Enter the second string, which brought forth a call from Jebus himself: "Just for you: Dealing With Foul Language" sayeth the Lawd.
This pull-quote box really sums up the entire reason to waste this defenseless piece of paper: "Only God can clean up your speech," it says. Because free will apparently has fudge-all to do with it.
Please! We Know Her Husband is a Sex Machine... well, not from experience or anything... it's just - no, we're not thinking about it! Gaaaaaaaahhhhh!
A.C.: "So my gynecologist's office just called to say that she retired - a week before my next appointment."
Me: "What? That's weird."
A.C.: "Yeah. Thanks so much."
Me: "Well, it's only your vagina. No big deal."
A.C.: "Yeah, nothing much ever happens there anyway."
Me: "What? That's weird."
A.C.: "Yeah. Thanks so much."
Me: "Well, it's only your vagina. No big deal."
A.C.: "Yeah, nothing much ever happens there anyway."
I Can't Believe I've Held This For Six Months
So, we were at the Beasley Broadcasting Christmas Party in December. It was a lovely soiree at Enterprise Mill, all nice but middle-brow with smoked salmon and roasted pork loin sliced very thin. Beer and wine, no mixed drinks. That kind of thing. Very Augusta, in other words.
The tables were scattered with STUFFED SNOWMEN (because they work at a Hallmark store and stuff??? ) and sparkly gold and silver holiday greeting confetti. Or so we thought. Until Mary Liz unfurled one of the glittering gems.
The tables were scattered with STUFFED SNOWMEN (because they work at a Hallmark store and stuff??? ) and sparkly gold and silver holiday greeting confetti. Or so we thought. Until Mary Liz unfurled one of the glittering gems.
"Birthday," it read - and, of course, others said "Happy."
I guess "Holidays" was too much to ask for.
I guess "Holidays" was too much to ask for.
What Kind of an Idiot Do They Think I Am?
When you send someone a cardboard facsimile of a credit card...
Do you really need to print this on the back?
We Can't Even Play Cards Normally in My Family
We're trying to teach my nephew to play... something - rummy? Who knows? - in this video. Can you imagine telling you 10-year-old nephew: "Play right or we're going to beat your ass?" That's just S.O.P. at our house.
And Speaking of Retards...
AUGUSTA, GA. - This guy cut me off so sharply on Riverwatch Parkway one morning as I was coming into work that I had to run all up on the shoulder. And there's only about 2 inches of space between the edge of the road and the guard rail on that highway. He was going about 90 mph in a 55 mph zone, weaving in and out of traffic like a freak, and continued his attempts to kill himself and take out half of the commuting workers in Augusta through downtown's main thoroughfare. Oddly enough, even though he cut me off - scaring me so badly that I had to stop and compose myself before continuing to work - and despite the fact that he was going nearly 40 miles an hour faster than I was, I still ended up RIGHT BEHIND HIM when we got down to Broad Street.Frickin' idiot.
Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Retards
AUGUSTA, GA. - So I was driving down Furys Ferry Road between Riverwatch and Washington a few weeks ago, having just picked Emmie up from day care. A car swerved in the lane beside me and the windows rolled down. Some high school student, guffawing, leaned out and began to shoot photos of me. I have no idea why.
It kind of freaked me out. Did my wig fly off into traffic? Is there a booger on my lip? Is my underwear hanging out of the car door and flapping in the breeze? WHAT?!
They weren't driving very well, seeing as how they were all laughing so hard. Afraid of an accident - and also just to annoy them - I pulled out my camera and started shooting back. Hilarity ensued from the other car. I guess everything is funny when you're in high school and high on the freedom that comes from four wheels and an engine. What do you want to bet, though, that their future discussions about this incident sounded similar to this:
Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French," or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.
In other words, like douchebags.
If you see this car, just... shake them a little for me. They went speeding off on Washington Road like hellmonkeys, weaving in and out of traffic, like I was going to chase them for snapping photos of me instead of turning at the first light to take my daughter home. Isn't that kind of behavior what stupid crap like mudd buggin' is for?
It kind of freaked me out. Did my wig fly off into traffic? Is there a booger on my lip? Is my underwear hanging out of the car door and flapping in the breeze? WHAT?! 
They weren't driving very well, seeing as how they were all laughing so hard. Afraid of an accident - and also just to annoy them - I pulled out my camera and started shooting back. Hilarity ensued from the other car. I guess everything is funny when you're in high school and high on the freedom that comes from four wheels and an engine. What do you want to bet, though, that their future discussions about this incident sounded similar to this:Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French," or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.
In other words, like douchebags.
If you see this car, just... shake them a little for me. They went speeding off on Washington Road like hellmonkeys, weaving in and out of traffic, like I was going to chase them for snapping photos of me instead of turning at the first light to take my daughter home. Isn't that kind of behavior what stupid crap like mudd buggin' is for?
Clearing Out the Pee-Yooter
AUGUSTA, GA. - I'm going to try my hand at ad sales. I won't lie: the money is a temptation. But also I'm excited to learn more about the business side of publishing. If I decide to stay on the business side, it will be a chance to expand my skill set. If I return to the editorial side, it will help me to build relationships and understand parts of the community that have eluded my noodle head thus far. I'll give it 100 percent, and we'll see where it leads.
But changing jobs on Monday means moving desks. I'll still be at the Metro Spirit, but the dept. needs this system badly. So I'm cleaning off all the things I've intended to post but never got around to over the next few days. Much of it is stupid imagery I've collected. Hope you enjoy it!
Kind of how I feel right now.
And, no, this is not my child, nor did I do this to one.
But changing jobs on Monday means moving desks. I'll still be at the Metro Spirit, but the dept. needs this system badly. So I'm cleaning off all the things I've intended to post but never got around to over the next few days. Much of it is stupid imagery I've collected. Hope you enjoy it!
Kind of how I feel right now.And, no, this is not my child, nor did I do this to one.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
When Publishers Talk Smack
A.W.: "What's B.O.'s problem with Phil Stacey?"
Me: "Idunno."
A.W.: "I thought you said he was really nice and really funny?"
Me: "He was!"
A.W.: "So what does he want?"
Me: "Idunno."
A.W.: "I guess we're not as hip as Orangeburg."
Phil Stacey will play The Country Club on June 13.
Me: "Idunno."
A.W.: "I thought you said he was really nice and really funny?"
Me: "He was!"
A.W.: "So what does he want?"
Me: "Idunno."
A.W.: "I guess we're not as hip as Orangeburg."
Phil Stacey will play The Country Club on June 13.
Wine firm hopes waves will make its bubbly sparkle
From Reuters:
PARIS (Reuters) - One of France's oldest champagne producers is testing a new way of ageing its bubbly: on the seabed off northern France.
Louis Roederer wants to find out if its wine tastes better if it is kept in cold sea water and rocked by currents than in the cellars of the city of Reims, where it is normally stored.
Roederer said on Monday it had placed several dozen bottles 15 metres (50 feet) underwater in the bay of Mont Saint-Michel, a rocky tidal island off the coast of Normandy, last weekend.
A cellarman came up with the idea after realising that the water temperature in the bay, a constant 10 degrees Celsius (50.00F), was ideal for ageing wine.
In 12 months' time, Roederer will hold a tasting session to compare champagne from the bottles kept on the seabed with those from its cellars.
Read the rest of the story by clicking here.
PARIS (Reuters) - One of France's oldest champagne producers is testing a new way of ageing its bubbly: on the seabed off northern France.
Louis Roederer wants to find out if its wine tastes better if it is kept in cold sea water and rocked by currents than in the cellars of the city of Reims, where it is normally stored.
Roederer said on Monday it had placed several dozen bottles 15 metres (50 feet) underwater in the bay of Mont Saint-Michel, a rocky tidal island off the coast of Normandy, last weekend.
A cellarman came up with the idea after realising that the water temperature in the bay, a constant 10 degrees Celsius (50.00F), was ideal for ageing wine.
In 12 months' time, Roederer will hold a tasting session to compare champagne from the bottles kept on the seabed with those from its cellars.
Read the rest of the story by clicking here.
New Job, Old Company
AUGUSTA, GA. - As of this coming Monday (June 9), I'll be moving from the Arts Editor position I've loved for the last year to the business-oriented Account Executive position in the advertising department of The Metro Spirit. I'm really excited about offering a cohesive and long-term relationship with businesses in Columbia County, where we've had some disjointed coverage as of late. But since I'm not going anywhere, I hope to develop some great professional and personal friendships out there. I'm looking forward to it, but I'll miss all my friends in the arts community. Keep in touch with me, please, and I'll be certain to help funnel information to the edit department. In the meantime, consider advertising with The Metro Spirit to reach that all-important trend-setting and artistic demographic. We're how you develop brand loyalty:
Alternative newsweekly readers are trend-setters and trend-spreaders
According to a study conducted in Spring 2004 by NOP World [Roper], roughly 56% of alternative newsweekly readers are Influentials -- the 10% of the population that tells the other 90% where to shop and dine, how to vote, and, most importantly, how to spend their discretionary time and income.
An executive summary of the Influentials study illustrates that alternative newsweekly Influentials consume and recommend cultural activities (film, music, books, travel, live music, theater and fine art) at a far higher rate than the general public.
In addition to their outsized influence in matters of culture, alternative newsweekly readers are also young, active and independent. Here are the numbers across the industry:
Alt-Weekly Demographics*
• Male >> 52%
• Female >> 48%
• Not Married >> 50%
• 18-34 yrs >> 35%
• 18-49 yrs >> 68%
• 25-49 yrs >> 55%
• Avg HH Income >> $69,148
• Attended College or College Graduate >> 68%
*Source: 123-newspaper, 71-market Media Audit study (September 2006)
Alternative newsweekly readers are trend-setters and trend-spreaders
According to a study conducted in Spring 2004 by NOP World [Roper], roughly 56% of alternative newsweekly readers are Influentials -- the 10% of the population that tells the other 90% where to shop and dine, how to vote, and, most importantly, how to spend their discretionary time and income.
An executive summary of the Influentials study illustrates that alternative newsweekly Influentials consume and recommend cultural activities (film, music, books, travel, live music, theater and fine art) at a far higher rate than the general public.
In addition to their outsized influence in matters of culture, alternative newsweekly readers are also young, active and independent. Here are the numbers across the industry:
Alt-Weekly Demographics*
• Male >> 52%
• Female >> 48%
• Not Married >> 50%
• 18-34 yrs >> 35%
• 18-49 yrs >> 68%
• 25-49 yrs >> 55%
• Avg HH Income >> $69,148
• Attended College or College Graduate >> 68%
*Source: 123-newspaper, 71-market Media Audit study (September 2006)
From J.C., Who is One of the Many Reasons I Love Working Here
AUGUSTA, GA. - "So I had this idea. I am going to record a country album. Anyways I thought of this premise for a song called 'Waffle Spouse,' It's about an older guy that goes to the waffle house every day and sits in the same section and falls in love with his younger server. She is really nice to him and brings him whatever he wants and all that. So after a couple of years he proposes to her and she says yes. Well, when he gets her home and wants her to bring him stuff and be the same girl that she was, she isn't. In fact she wont do shit for him now and he is miserable. say something like:
Took my girl home and I screwed up
Thought I'd be happy as can be
Now I'm sittin' lookin' into an empty cup
cuz she wont take orders from me....
and in the end of the song it turns out that he is singing it to his new waitress at the waffle house....and of course, she is nicer to him."
God, isn't he a little bit of genius in a goofball exterior?
Took my girl home and I screwed up
Thought I'd be happy as can be
Now I'm sittin' lookin' into an empty cup
cuz she wont take orders from me....
and in the end of the song it turns out that he is singing it to his new waitress at the waffle house....and of course, she is nicer to him."
God, isn't he a little bit of genius in a goofball exterior?
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Some New Sites That Look Interesting....
Don't quite have a passion for finance (we don't blame you),but still need a way to manage your money?
Then free, secure and private Mint.com is for you.
A unique new social network and rewards program, Christiania Crowns is an online community for the culturally savvy, artistic-minded, and vodka-loving side in all of us.
A site for families who think staying organized is an unobtainable goal — being wrong has never felt so good.
Rate your doctor, participate in community discussions,share healthcare success stories or voice your concerns about healthcare.
OVGuide.com — the Online Video Guide is the most complete & comprehensive guide to the best sites to find free online movies, videos, tv shows, games & more!
Alltop.com — a pretty fitting name for a online magazine rack with all the top stories, all the time. Start with Food.Alltop to get your feet wet and your belly full. Like it? Then check out Alltop's picks from News and Sports to Gadgets and Celebs, too.
Savannah River Boat Cruise
AUGUSTA, GA. - From a friend, Randy Potter, who took his girlfriend on a ride on the new S.S. Patriot Savannah River sunset river cruise on Saturday night.
"It was very nice . . . Its twenty buck$ per scalawag for the two hour "sunset cruise" up and down and then back to Tenth St. / Marriott.
Karen and I, we copped a spot on the bow right away where we weren't under cover or directly subject to the albeit informative narrative provided by the affable first mate. We'd brought along a bottle of wine and a phat nosh and that was nice.
The Patriot is a triple pontoon , tri-hulled vessel of short draft with nice, quiet Honda outboards that served a decade in Boston Harbor. It began river/tour service here in March. It's 61 feet, about 13 feet in the beam.
Anyways, it went upstream as far as the fall line, about at Hammond Hills on the Carolina side (boy, they've built some nice homes along there ) and downstream a mile or so short of the Beech Island bridge / Bricker Farms krapsite.
I thought we'd go as far down as the controversial airport lock & dam. I was kinda disappointed about that. I wanted to see that from the water. Weather and sunset were perfect though.
"It was very nice . . . Its twenty buck$ per scalawag for the two hour "sunset cruise" up and down and then back to Tenth St. / Marriott.
Karen and I, we copped a spot on the bow right away where we weren't under cover or directly subject to the albeit informative narrative provided by the affable first mate. We'd brought along a bottle of wine and a phat nosh and that was nice.
The Patriot is a triple pontoon , tri-hulled vessel of short draft with nice, quiet Honda outboards that served a decade in Boston Harbor. It began river/tour service here in March. It's 61 feet, about 13 feet in the beam.
Anyways, it went upstream as far as the fall line, about at Hammond Hills on the Carolina side (boy, they've built some nice homes along there ) and downstream a mile or so short of the Beech Island bridge / Bricker Farms krapsite.
I thought we'd go as far down as the controversial airport lock & dam. I was kinda disappointed about that. I wanted to see that from the water. Weather and sunset were perfect though.
Monday, June 02, 2008
We Like Rankings, too... But We Understand the Lower Scores Better
AUGUSTA, GA. - So, Damon Cline wrote one of his usually excellent analyses of business and trends in the area today in the Augusta Chronicle. He drew no real conclusions, but gave us plenty of food for thought. But because my opinion is so very important, I'd like to weigh in on the subject of rankings. Our commissioners call each other by quasi-racist slurs like "boy" and vote almost strictly along racial lines. Our arena authority gets into fistfights. Our schools... don't even get me started. Even if our daughter does attend a public elementary school and high school, she'll never attend a middle school in this county. Anyway, perhaps the reason that we ranked below Columbus, Ga., and Columbia, S.C., might be best illustrated below.
Who the heck is Rufus?
Pretty.
Uhh... what is that about? You're tagging the garbage alley?
The "gift" of graffiti.
Not somewhere I'd go for a stroll.
Good things to eat? Maybe long ago...
Dude, I don't even know what this says.
Who the heck is Rufus?
How do you even get up that high?
Lums? What does that mean?
Nice windows, dude.
Pretty.
Uhh... what is that about? You're tagging the garbage alley?
The "gift" of graffiti.
Not somewhere I'd go for a stroll.
Good things to eat? Maybe long ago...
(Sigh...) What is this even about? How do you own a building and let it get like this?
Dang, move in and live there, or something.
Dang, move in and live there, or something.
Great Kentucky - what?
Anyway, with things looking like that all over the downtown area, except for a couple of well-developed blocks, it's no wonder that the streets more often look like these photos: devoid of people even on a beautiful, temperate Spring day.
