All Em wants for Christmas is...

Me: "Emmie wants a pet for Christmas. Is a kitten asking for trouble? Maybe I'll just get her a gerbil."

Alice: "How about a parakeet?"

Me: "Eff birds. They terrify me."

Alice: "Me, too!"

Me: "They're just Velociraptors with feathers. You can tack goose down on an alligator, but I'm still not going near it."